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If you have little ones, you might've thought something like this recently. How do I know? Well, let's just say I spent a few years in that rut—I mean mode. The mommy-mode.
There's no question about it—those are wonderful years, but they are not easy! You're surrounded by little people constantly grabbing you, not minding where they happen to grab and by the end of the day exhaustion has set in. Big time. And not just physically, it's mental and emotional exhaustion too, and you still have a mountain of work to do.
And that's when the Groping Hand appears. Sure, he looks both ways before grabbing your boob because you've trained him that he can't just grab you anytime any more. After all, little eyes may be watching, and even more, they're mimicking everything they see!
So, the Groping Hand grabs you and you grab for the duct tape to avoid giving him a piece of your mind. Honey, take my word for it, use the duct tape to keep those thoughts to yourself! He doesn't want a piece of your mind, he wants YOU. Naked and now. Can't do naked at the moment? Not a problem. Now will do. I know you're exhausted. I know you're ready to scream. I know you're ready to rip his test-- um, his tonsils out. But don't do it! That's like getting a Go to Jail card. Yanno, Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Remember, if you're sitting in jail, you don't get to collect rent and you certainly can't land on Free Parking.
So, what's a girl to do?
Brush your teeth.
Yup. You heard me. Brush 'em.
And while you're brushing PRAY. Pour out your heart to God. Use shorthand for this—chances are God's heard it before and He'll certainly understand what you're saying, even with the toothbrush working ferociously in your mouth. Ask God to give you the energy and joy to love your husband. And thank God for the man. That always helps sweeten you up.
Use mouthwash if you need extra time for this step—but don't take too long.
Next, pat your mouth dry with the towel, and when you pull the towel from your face, SMILE. Definitely smile. Smiling will help energize you.
The reward?
Lemme tell ya, it's better than landing on Free Parking. It's that's special oneness that comes after loving your husband.
Sometimes we totally stress out about the things pulling at us and we need to decompress and relax. It may seem like you don't have time to stop and make love with your husband right then, but sometimes that's when we need it most. Making love is a great stress reliever, and let's face it, whether you're with little ones all day or not, life can be stressful.
Want this to work even better?
Start programming yourself to remember that loving your husband is a great form of de-stressing, relaxing and me-time. Time for you to spend being a woman—being yourself. When you think that way, sex is better for both you, but especially for you.
Here's a quick check-list for those times:
**duct tape
**toothbrush
**smile
16 Zesters spoke up:
I absolutely love this post! Myself a mother of three, I know its easy to use the too tired card, but after 13 yers, I am learning, thank you Lord, that to give into love is a marital time 'in' and pampering on the highest scale. I am learning, and glad I have, to drop whatever I am doing when hubby gets that look in his eye and meet him for a sweet delight. It puts a whole new perspective on the day or night.
You're so right, Julie, it DOES put a new and, for me, a better perspective on the day, LoL, on life in general.
SUCH a good reminder. (my daughter is currently fascinated with my boobs - and then there's my hubby::winka:::) I am SO glad you're doing this!
Not to mention that hubby suddenly looks at you as someone--well--WOW! You know he's thinking: "She loves me a whole lot--she's always willin'". *Smile*
I really liked this post. I have been struggling with the "too tired" feeling. I need to keep the right perspective on things. Thanks for writing this.
I laughed so hard over this post I almost peed my pants. (Time to do those Kegels again.) When our kids were small (4 kids in 6 years) we had the most awful fights about sex, and my lack of interest, and his selfish desire, and so on... I told him he didn't understand...
Mothering all those babies all day was like being trapped in an elevator all day long filled with greedy, grasping, flesh-eating ogres. And at the end of the day, the elevator door opened, and behold, A BIG OGRE!
He didn't like that too well.
But we got over it! Thanks to time, patience, and a lot of prayer! Oh how I wish there had been an AZ blog back in the day!
ROFL--oh my. I'm gasping--truly I am!! Niki, you put it all into words sooooooo well!
And Dee, when we can make our men feel like that we're really communicating well. :D
These are such good reminders.
I remember those days...those days of praying. I so wanted to please God and be the woman that my husband needed...and God helped. I don't have it down perfect....yet....but I we are working on it.
I once heard a wise person say...where the mind goes the body follows. It was a good thing for me to remember during the day. If I wanted my body to want to go "there" at night...I had better make sure my mind went there during the day. Fantasizing about my hubby...its a good thing! :)
I want to testify about the prayer. IT WORKS!!! I know we all know that prayer works, but my point is that I didn't think I could pray about sex, but I got over it and did it anyway.
I prayed that I would initiate because I really wanted to and not because I thought it was "my turn" and thinking that his ego needed to be stroked.
I prayed that my body would respond to him without the aide of some moisture applications or whatever.
I prayed that I would please him and not myself.
Well, it all worked. It worked so well that he actually had to tell me no! I also found that I was okay with not climaxing becasue I truly was satisfied with just his reaction and the emotional intimacy that we began to have!
smooches,
Larie
Okay, who says HE is the one with the groping hand?? huh?
What about you? What about you getting that look in your eye? This is a marriage - not a dictatorship! The only way to a successful relationship is if it is a 2 way street. For as much as you are here for him, he is there for you! Why are you focusing on what YOU can do for HIM? He is to be there for YOU too!!
And why can't you express if you are unhappy because you didn't climax???? Why is it "all wonderful and great" if he climaxes and you don't??
Very good point, Toni.
It's not all about him--but sometimes it is. Marriage is DEFINITELY a two-way street and there ARE times to say 'not tonight', but I wasn't talking about those times. I'm sorry I wasn't clear about that point.
And lemme tell ya--when YOU get that look in YOUR eye, like Mari said, chase that man down and roar! :-)
Because we can cover only so much in a post, I'm just addressing one small thing at a time, so yes, I was focusing on what you can do for him. There will be other posts though because this is very much about WOMEN and their sexuality and enjoying sex. :-)
Sometimes it's about more than climaxing because the connection that comes from giving to your spouse is wonderful.
Thanks for your input and feedback, Toni!
Oh my goodness, this was hysterical. And true too. I can't tell you how many times I have prayed to return my hubby's interest, and most of the time, it leads me right into the arms of my man. :D
Great post! I have found the quick prayer thing really works. And even when I am dead tired I am always grateful that I took the time to love my husband the way God intended.
This is SO TRUE! I use the brushing my teeth diversion to go and pray and ask God to make me desire my husband at that moment, and to bless our time of intimacy and make it bring God glory as it fills the both of us. Loved this post!
Of course this was a huge theme with our Life Coach we began seeing because our marriage had fallen apart. For me it was more a matter of my husband not being a part of my day ALL DAY and I just didn't have time, or energy, to make him a part of it NOW!
Here's what we have done to help with this! I need for him to be part of my day all day, and he needs it too! He would come home and feel like he had to try to wiggle his way into our day. That makes me sad. So, now my husband and I send text messages to each other, or e-mails, or quick phone calls when we think about each other during the day. He calls me when he's leaving work which gives me about 15 minutes to get everybody settled. When he walks in the door, we let the kids do their daddy pounce and then he and I head to the closed-door bedroom for our "First 15". WE get the first 15 minutes of his day home to just talk, snuggle, make out, or sometimes just lay in silence. But, we are together and touching the whole time. And we have made a pact to work TOGETHER to get everybody down by 9:00 p.m. and we spend the next hour on the couch together watching a show we both like. Then we go to bed and we talk about feelings we had that day.
I'm gonna tell you, since we started this ... the groping hands are welcomed!! When you involve your husband AND think about him all day you are ready for him to come home, even excited!
These steps have saved our drab marriage .. oh, and a lot of prayer!
My advice .. don't wait until the grope has happened or it's time for it to happen at bedtime. Be preparing yourself all day!
Thanks for this blog! Love it!
Nicole
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