But they do! And you know it!
Now, before you hyperventilate or die laughing on me, stop and think about things. God gave us each a very special man. He (that's the capital H He there!) gave us our man. God is good, and He gives good gifts, and our husbands are no exception to that rule!
And have you ever counted the times the Bible talks about sex? Lemme tell you, there was a lot of begatting going on! And let's not forget Solomon! That man collected wives like our men collected rocks when they were young!
Awhile ago I was clobbered with the overwhelming need I saw among Christian women in regard to the physical aspects of our marriages. What's right? What's wrong? What's going too far? And would somebody pleeeeeze talk about this?!
Well guess what? We're gonna! Yes, we're going to talk about sex. About loving our husbands and letting him really feel our love in a way he understands emotionally, and about meeting his physical needs. Joyfully meeting his physical needs, not just putting up with or enduring this special bond God has given married couples.
When God was creating this world, at the end of each day when He was looking at His creation, we read that He saw that it was good--until the sixth day. When God created man and woman and looked back on that day, then He saw that it was very good. (Emphasis mine.) So tell me, when you look in the mirror and see you and your husband, do you see something very good? What do you think your husband sees? (And I'm not talking about stretch marks and cottage cheese thighs.) Does he see a woman who loves him? Does he see his woman loving him or just putting up with him?
Loving our husbands as they need us to, in a way they understand it best, is a gift we can give them. And the cool thing is that when we give them that gift (remember, a true gift is freely and joyfully given) our whole family benefits from it. Even those little ones who have no idea what's going on, and those teens that catch us kissing in the kitchen and act like they're gagging. Let 'em gag! Inside they'll be happy to see their parents love each other.
Which gifts do you appreciate the most? Not necessarily the most expensive ones, or the prettiest ones, but definitely the ones that come from the heart. The ones that have had some thought put into them and that are given freely and joyfully. Remember the times you were given something with a grudging attitude—“Well, here. Just take it. It's for you.” It really took all the joy out of the gift, didn't it? Or how about a time when you were given something but you could tell the giver really expected to be paid or given something in return. Oh, now that makes me think of receiving a gift and being pleased with it, only to discover it wasn't just a gift—it was 'sweetening up' for the request. Hmmmm. Some people would think of that as a bribe. Those aren't gifts—not really.A gift is given freely and joyfully, without thought of reciprocation. It's given just because. It's given as an expression of love or appreciation.
And when it comes to sex, our husbands love gifts. Gifts freely and joyfully given. They want us. They want our hearts and minds involved in making love, not just our body going through the motions.
Loving our husbands, as God intended us to, is a gift we give them that keeps on giving. It's a gift that echoes throughout our homes.
So tell me,
What are some things that keep us from feeling generous with our gift giving?
What are some benefits to giving freely and joyfully?












22 Zesters spoke up:
Honesty here, right?
What are some things that keep us from feeling generous with our gift giving?
When you get turned down again and again.... a number of years of that and it's not much fun any more. And I do mean right from the start of marriage, not after some years.
What are some benefits to giving freely and joyfully?
In the right circumstances it's a whole lot of fun and everyone is in a better mood for a while!
Preach it, girl! What keeps me from being generous? Selfishness, plain and simple.
And Mrs. B.--my heart aches for you. I have several friends whose hubbies aren't interested either. It makes it double-tough when all the women around you are complaining that their husbands want sex all the time. Saying a prayer for you!
"And when it comes to sex, our husbands love gifts. Gifts freely and joyfully given. They want us. They want our hearts and minds involved in making love, not just our body going through the motions."
Amen. God's wisdom all over this.
Ladies, this is NOT our mothers type blog! Mine would just turn as read as the red in your background! I for one am glad to see this being addressed. Thanks Patty.
okay - total honesty ...
what keeps me from being generous with my gift giving? ... Well for the past 2 years I've had a lot going on with my body. I just got diagnosed with endometriosis last summer (which makes sex painful sometimes) and then I had surgery in the fall for it (which meant I couldn't have sex for awhile) then I started a six month injection treatment to put me in temporary menapause (I'm only 25, but 50+ women have told me that the experience isn't exactly great for the sex life). The treatment ends in 4 weeks, and I can't wait. My husband couldn't be more loving and understanding. I know all this sounds like an excuse- but it's really killing me. I WANT to be able to make love without being in pain physically and I want to be able to give my husband all he needs! I feel like I'm in a no - win situation...
I'd have to admit that it's selfishness for me when I don't give myself freely.
This was a good post.
-FringeGirl
I would have to agree that selfishness is a big problem of mine. By the time we find a moment alone I am so tired, but I shouldn't allow this to be an excuse. My selfishness keeps me from blessing my husband and I miss an opportunity to affirm my love for my him.
I couldn't agree more with this. I think that the hardest thing for me, a stay at home mom of 2, is to once again give of myself to yet another person. I love my husband dearly and he and I have an amazing marriage (11 yrs in oct!)but there are times when at the end of the day I just want to take care of me. I appreciate the honesty and am working SO hard on meeting my husbands needs.
Recently I read a book that I think that ALL married couples should read. It is called A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Doug Rosenau. He is a Christian sex therapist. The book is FULL of amazing information that is great for young married couples to old married couples. There is even a chapter for married couples over 50!!!
Enjoy!!!!!
"What are some things that keep us from feeling generous with our gift giving?"
1. Selfishness: what if he climaxes right at the trigger of mine? Then I am left with that uncomfortable feeling of needing to be released.
2. It's the end of the day, the kids are in bed and we sat on the couch for awhile and then get in the bed. Why wait until my mind is on sleep mode to get that "silly grin" on your face? Dude, we were just sitting on the couch mindlessly staring at the t.v. and you gave no hint of wanting to get physical so I thought it was really time for bed when we went to the bedroom! Yeah, I could have initiated but honestly, I didn't want to because I was tired and I thought that my sitting with you on the couch was an expression of love.
3. When I was nursing...need i go on?
"What are some benefits to giving freely and joyfully?"
1. My husband knows that I love him, his body, and he is desired by me.
Hmmm. Should I openly admit that I love sex! LOL. God has just given me such an attraction to my husband and we both are blessed with the same drive so there isn't any awkward dominance on either part. BUT with that said, I've always been curious about what Christian women thought about the "ins" and the "outs" were about sex. So I'll be back.
Blessings,
Kim
I'm being honest too! (and I ALMOST went to anonymous, TRULY!)
Some things that keep me from giving generously is rejection - being turned down. My husband has health issues and he is often too tired or not feeling well enough to be "in the mood." And sometimes it's me who's too tired. Of course, selfishness is also an issue. Things I THINK I'd rather be doing (of course, once I do it, most of the time, it was SO much better than what I thought was better).
And benefits to giving! A closer relationship with my husband AND God, a husband more eager to please ME, because I've pleased Him!
I am so, SOOOO glad you are doing this, Patty!
When I give freely and generously of myself, I feel more closely connected to God and to being the woman he wants me to be. It feels like "holiness"--like this is what I should be doing.
Still and yet, it is my strongest battle. By nature, I'm as selfish as they come.
peace~elaine
Considering we are still in the newlywed phase, I will admit it is a rare night that we aren't having fun in the bedroom. ; )
We also don't have kids. So, that helps!! LOL!
I'm on the opposite side of Joanne. I'm the sick one and am not always ready for my husband at night. But I've found that many times I feel lots better for a time, just having that close one-on-one time with him. He's also having problems with his heart and that is fear on my part, too, as you can imagine. But after 26 years of marriage - we've lost lots of inhibitions and can have fun together. Am very glad about that.
Love this blog, Peej. Cheering you on! Is YOUR mom reading this, Peejers, dear? LOL
What an awesome post!
My husband and I were alone for about 16 years and had a very blessed intimate life. But I have to say that now that I'm a Mommy -- IT IS HARD TO TURN OFF THE MOMMY SWITCH. With a precious toddler pulling for my attention all day, then parents who I feel a lot of burden for ... my poor husband sometimes feels like one more person wanting something from me. So, selfishness is my answer I suppose. However, we do enjoy one another when I make time. (God help me.)
Unity comes from "being together" and that is the way God planned it.
Great job on this post!
Love,
Beth
This is not currently as much of a problem for me as it was the first couple years my hubby and I were married (we'll be married 12 years in Aug.). See, before we were married, I had been in a relationship that was pretty abusive and messed up. I guess you could say the "trauma" from that carried over into my marital bedroom with my husband. I really had the strong desire to give myself to him freely, but until I dealt with some stuff from my past, sex was very difficult for me, and I would avoid it.
As I began to give some of these issues to God and trust my husband to help me work through some of these things, our marriage began to grow, and I felt my sex drive drastically increase. Now, for us, "giving" ourselves to each other and enjoying our relationship is not the problem, it's finding time in both of our schedules to actually be alone together.
When my son was 8, he and I were driving somewhere and he said "Mom Thank You" I always ask for what, because I may think he is thanking me for picking him up or whatever and he is thanking me for something totally different. So in response to my Why he said....For staying married to Dad, you are the only real mom and dad. All my friends have one or the other but don't live with them together.....That was sad to me.
I have also always Thanked my Husband for teaching our children what being a "Man" is. He shows my children every day how a woman should be treated by her husband, and how a husband should treat his wife.
****This is too funny! As I was sitting here typing this my husband walked into my office with a latte. He actually came to pick up my car to go put gas in it. :) ****
We have an amazing love affair and have for almost 18 years. We have some physical issues but there is so much more to Making Love then just the act of Sex.
One another note. My 13 year old daughter was shocked when she asked me who my bestfriend is... and I answered Your Father. She said Mom you are married to him he shouldn't be your friend. Sadly she had been exposed to her friends parents that argue, fight and dont spend time together even though they are still married and live in the same house. This saddened me....So I told her that when she decides who to marry she should make sure she is friends with him. That it is so important. I told her that when anything great or bad happens in my life her father is the first person I WANT (not have too) to talk to about it.
I was so broken when I met and married my husband. Instead of feeling generous at giving, I felt unworthy. That he deserved so much better than me.
What keeps me from being generous...being drop dead tired, feeling like all I have done all day is give, give, give. Once the children are in bed I just want some time to myself. So, I guess it just boils down to selfishness in the end.
I must say after 26 years of learning... that sex just gets better as you grow older together.
For many years what held me back from offering myself to my husband was my own false belief system. The wounds and lies I battled were doubts of being truly wanted.
Being pregnant or nursing for 10 years straight also affected my desire for sex several years ago.
I read a great book about 10 + years ago titled "Intimate Issues" which opened my eyes to a different view of sex.
I love intimate times with my husband.
My husband knows he can have me anytime, but good grief...sometimes I'm just downright TIRED!
i look fwd to reading more. 16 yrs and i have never hsd an orgasm during sex with my husband. not that i dont enjoy it, i do very much and I think we have a great sex life. i just cant get there and it was wrecking it trying so i gave up
You know knowing that sex should be between one man and one woman....that is the hardest thing. And before you delete this comment :)
I would like to add that I wish I could get that truth across to my mind. To let it know that when the door closes....it is no longer welcome to continue with the days activities and people. That it much hush...and linger in the back ground. :)
Shutting it down is the hardest thing...and there have been times in jest when my husband has admitted to not feeling alone in the bedroom. We joke about it now. And I say....I am trying,really! And laughs and says, Let me know when we are alone. :)
Things are good now behind those doors...I am learning to give gifts freely. :)
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