Peeking Underneath

Today I’m going to challenge you to do something scary. I’m going to invite you to get naked and stand in front of the mirror.

Okay, maybe that isn’t scary if you’re 24 and never had children. But for most of us, it’s pretty frightening!

Actually, I’m not talking about taking our clothes off; I’m talking about taking a hard look at our sexuality as women, seeing where we are at, and determining to let God shape us up.

I’m talking about letting your sex life serve as an indicator of your spiritual and emotional health. It can do that, you know.

Don’t be afraid; I’m already in the booth next to you, within earshot, stripped down and standing in front of the mirror. We can bemoan together, alright?

Then we’ll get dressed, share a good cup of coffee and together come up with a game plan for the mess we just exposed.

Deal?

Okay, let’s get started.

When I look in the sex mirror at first glance, I say things like, “Eww, I’m glad no one sees this,” and “Now how did that get so out of proportion?”

Then I say things like, “Well, no one is perfect and there are plenty of folks that look a whole lot worse than me. Now let me have my pants back and I’m out of here!” I want to ignore *The Indicator*.

But The Indicator doesn’t lie and I am finding that when I listen to it, I become a better person, a better follower of Christ, a better missionary, and a better wife and mom. Seriously. Allowing sex to "Indicate" has changed my life.

What is your Indicator showing? Here’s a checklist of some common features:
- Sexual apathy
- Mental fantasies of love stories and/or sexual encounters
- Compulsive or excessive reading of romance novels or viewing romantic TV/movies
- Compulsive solo sex
- Pornography
- Sexual addictions
- Fear of sexual intimacy
- Withdrawal
- Unfulfilled sex life including the Inability to orgasm
- Promiscuity
- Using sexuality to manipulate or gain attention
- Sexual selfishness

Are you saying “EWWWW!” yet?

Before we cover our eyes and fumble to get our clothes back on, let me ask one final question. Is your spouse satisfied and brimming over with your sexual relationship and frequency?

Ouch. These are hard and painful things to face, aren’t they? It’s easier to continue with excuses and put on that extra dab of lipstick to make it all better.

The enemy of our souls wants us to believe that we can keep it covered up or keep putting it off and it won’t affect anything. No one will know. No one will get hurt. He only wants this teeny tiny area and he’ll be a good boy and stay in his little corner of our land. Besides, we are all human.

“No harm done,” he whispers.

It’s a lie. Let me tell you how I discovered this.

I first discovered it when I realized I was robbing my husband. Sure, I was “giving him sex.” But I wasn’t giving him ME. Thus, I wasn’t giving him affirmation, showing him I desired him, and meeting his deep need for respect and admiration.

Y’all, I was setting him up.

The car was running so to speak, but my Indicator was saying something wasn’t right. Yet I thought I could get by without it affecting anyone else.

Wrong.

Now, my husband has never done anything hurtful or harmful to me or our marriage bed. But one night, I was confronted with the fact that I was taking advantage of his moral strength and spiritual headship. Instead of coming alongside of him and strengthening his headship, I was leaning too heavily on it and taxing his strength. I wasn't carrying my own load.

I thank God that He woke me up to this before we had a catastrophe. Our husbands are to be our heads and spiritual covering, but we are to be their helpers, and that includes sexually.

I had believed that second best was good enough. But God was saying, “No, top notch is what I intend.” Furthermore, He began challenging me to listen to my sexuality and let it reveal some core issues in my life.

And boy did it talk.

Next time I’ll tell you some of what it “said” …and how I saw it affecting even my kids.

For now, I’d like to leave you with a question. What do you see in the mirror of your sexuality right now? Don’t let what you see stop you from looking. It will serve as a guide to where you need to go and we are all in this together!