His Secret Place

A repost of one of our most popular posts...

I have a theory about men.

Now it’s not scientifically proven or anything, it’s just a theory I have, based on my observations. Want to hear it? Okay, here goes :)

Men have a secret place they retreat to when life gets oppressive. For some maybe its a physical place, for others an emotional one, but I think most men have a place they go to for "time out."

Time outs are breaks even biblical men needed for refreshment and relief. Take David for example. One of the hidden places he retreated to when running from Saul was a place called Engedi (I Samuel 23-24:1).

What’s interesting is that Engedi was a spring in the middle of a wilderness. It was also a safe place protected by strongholds. Engedi was a beautiful, protected oasis in the middle of a dry, oppressive desert.

Engedi. Doesn’t it just sound fabulous? Now here’s the wowser: I have a blog buddy who is her husband’s Engedi.

Solomon said this about his woman:

“To me, my beloved is a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi.” (Songs 1:14)

Wow, that's some kind of woman! The cool thing about being a woman is that we hold the power of Engedi in our hands. (I think most men would choose our kind of secret place if given the choice, don't you agree?)

Today I’d like to introduce you to a modern day woman who is an Engedi kind of woman. Jennifer has given me permission to share the sharable(!) parts of her story. Jennifer and I have been blog buddies for awhile and she emailed me back in March after my post about being a sexual servant.

In her email, Jennifer asked if I had heard of the book "Just Do It" (I hadn’t) and shared with me that she felt the Lord was leading her to serve her husband by doing the challenge laid out in this book. (FYI, the challenge is to have sex with your mate every day for 100 days straight! Because of travel schedules, Jennifer and James set the weekly goal of 5 out of 7.)

Now you need to understand that Jennifer has been married for seventeen years and during the course of the experiment shared with me some of the challenges she faced. Like having a bunch of teenagers piled into the adjacent room during “challenge” time(!), planning around traveling schedules, and keeping things creative. Additionally, Jennifer and her family were under a great deal of personal stress- they were in the middle of a lawsuit involving religious freedom.

Yet Jennifer felt the Lord’s leading to do this experiment and she kept at it.

Last week, Jennifer emailed me with the news that her husband’s job is being “deleted” this month and he is now unemployed. After everything they have been through recently, they are now facing unemployment.

Even so, here is what Jennifer said: “Heidi, I wanted to tell you what a blessing our "experiment" has become. It drew James and me together in a bonded way, so that when this trial came, we were unified emotionally. I'm so thankful for the call from the Lord to be more intimate with my husband - because I think that has and will make a huge difference as we face the uncertain days ahead. At a time when he will battle discouragement and insecurity, this is one thing that will continue to build him up and minister to him in the language a man easily receives.”

Wow again, y'all. We have a real life David needing Engedi and a real life Shulamite woman providing it.

For a couple of years I have had a secret dream in life: for John to think of me as his oasis. Jennifer is an example to me of sexually building up her man, affirming him, and strengthening him to carry the responsibilities and stresses of the home. She reminds me of the wise woman who builds her house on the firm foundation.

And you know what? Houses built on firm foundations withstand the torrent (Matthew 7:24-27).

We each make the choice to either be an oasis or a lean to. We can throw a few planks together, believing we don’t have the time, energy, or resources for anything more…or we can build wisely, trusting the principles for intimacy found in scripture. (The really great thing about building wisely is that you can take it day by day, night by night! Baby steps, girls, baby steps!)

Being an oasis doesn't require knock out looks or having a sultry body like Angelina Jolie. It requires being accessible and full of good “fruits” for our husbands, fruits that delight, nourish, and care for his body and soul.

Anybody else up for a retreat to an oasis? Look in the mirror: the power of Engedi lies in the woman there.

***This post is being linked to Works For Me Wednesday's "best" edition. Adding Zest is a team blog and our goal is to help women discover the beauty of sex as God intended. Please browse our archives and let us serve you!