Houston, We Have a Problem!

We'd like to welcome Laury to Adding Zest. She has some good words for chronic pain sufferers.

Oh my, I hate to even show you this picture because everyone knows the sound. I’m positive you’re cringing this very minute. Do you know that for many chronic pain sufferers, this is exactly what major portions of their days are like?

So when hubby rolls over and begins to rub her back seductively, what should she do? There’s a war going on in her head and she’s positive she’s not on the winning side. Migraines and chronic headaches plague so many women these days. And it’s so cliché to say, “Honey, I have a headache.” And I haven’t even mentioned the touch of his hand as he traces her spine. For fibromyalgia sufferers it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Head pain and painful touches do not add up to the woman being inclined to scootch into her husband’s body and soak in his love. And instead of being honest and admit that she has that cliché headache, she often will pretend to be asleep, or will stay up late getting things done and will end up asleep on the couch just in case hubby wakes up happy to see her, if you know what I mean.

I know about this personally and have done all these things and more to avoid my husband, I’m sorry to admit. But you know what? I’ve discovered something amazing, just in this past year or so. I’ve learned that my husband’s touches are very healing. They help to relax me and they also help me block out much of the pain that I continually deal with, at least for a time.

This is amazing to me and doesn’t make sense at all. I’ve often wondered if scientists have done a study on sex and chronic illness. I’m positive there is some euphoria type chemical that is released during lovemaking. God created sex for husband and wives to enjoy and He knew we wouldn’t always ‘feel’ like it. He also knew that health problems can kill a marriage. God created us to crave touches and when we can stamp out the critter in our brain that is saying, “Are you kidding me?” and relax and be fully loved by our man, we will be greatly rewarded.

Here are some suggestions from familydoctor.org
**Plan sexual activity for the time of day when you have the most energy and your health problem bothers you the least.
**Be sure that you are rested and relaxed.
**If you need pain medicine to feel better, take the medicine 30 minutes before sexual activity.

The following might help you maintain your sex life:
**Hold hands, hug and touch, even when you do not plan to have sex.
**Use your senses to make sexual activity more enjoyable. For example, have satin sheets on the bed, light scented candles or play music.
**Tell him what you like and do not like.
**Try different sexual positions to find positions that are comfortable or use pillows for comfort.
**Try personal lubricants (one brand name: K-Y Jelly) to help reduce discomfort with sexual intercourse.

I’m not saying that it’s possible to always give in to your husband’s touches, and I’ll be honest with you, I sure don’t, but when you feel half way good, learn to take advantage of it. Many times I can’t even walk to the mailbox (Houston, we have a problem) but at night I’m often orbiting the moon (One small step for man…)

I do have to tell you, though, the landing isn’t always the greatest but I’m not usually any worse than before the lovemaking. Seize the moment. Throw caution to the wind. And when you don’t feel good, go ahead and see what happens. Give in and let go.

And one more thing, husbands sometimes don’t initiate after years of being put off. They may be scared that it will hurt us or they might be scared of another rejection. Make sure you tell him how good his touches make you feel. Ask him to send you to the moon. You will love it and he will love sending you there!

If you’re a chronic pain sufferer, I know your pain. Maybe you have tips or ideas you can share with those of us who suffer, too. What sends you to the moon or maybe even to the ‘Milky Way?’ See you in orbit!

Repost from the archives

Laury Hubrich:
I am a middle-aged wife of 26 years and mother of three - two grown children and one sixteen-year-old son. My life and the life of my family changed drastically about eight years ago when I got a headache that never went away and grew in intensity. I hopped from doctor to doctor and had various 'things' fixed in hopes that it would be the answer but, of course, it wasn't. Eventually God led me to a neurosurgeon at the University of Chicago. I was diagnosed as having Intracranial Hypertension. My spinal fluid continually builds and doesn't empty out like a 'normal' person. It causes me to have severe headaches and dizziness. That and Fibromyalgia has given me many challenges to overcome.

Because I spend so much time in bed, a laptop has enlarged my world. I can interact with my writer friends and other friends who have IH. I love writing and trying to keep up on my blog. Soon I will begin another school year as a teacher’s aide. Each day is a challenge but it also can be very exciting and fulfilling. God has given me strength and incredible family and friends to keep me pressing on towards what He has for me.