Learn the Language of Love

Lots of us are familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages, but I was reminded of just how easy it is to forget what you know—to the point that you're ready to clobber your man. I was recently at that point and I think it's time for a refresher course—at least it is for me.

Has your husband ever been on a kick where he's always reaching over and grabbing you? Yanno, when the hand appears out of nowhere and gooses you or grabs you in such a way that makes you swat him as you look around to see if anyone saw him grab you like that. Or maybe he's always inviting you to go fishing with him. If he's been doing things and they're getting on your nerves, maybe it's time to ask why he keeps doing them. It could be he's telling you that he loves you in his language. If he is, follow his lead and speak to him in that same language. It takes paying attention to what's going on and putting the pieces together, but it's worth the effort—for both of you.

Here's a quick recap of the Love Languages:
*Words of affirmation. Verbally building up and appreciating your husband. Not empty praise, but sincere.

*Gifts. A gift says, “She was thinking about me.” They don't have to be big gifts, just something that says 'I love you.' If you're a saver by nature, look at it as investing in your marriage.

*Acts of service. Doing something for your husband that you know he would like—something important to him. But doing something out of obligation or guilt won't communicate love to him.

*Quality time. Giving your husband your undivided attention. Taking a walk, going for a ride, sitting on the couch with him, sitting at a campfire with him. Talking and listening to him.

*Physical touch. Holding hands, hugging, kissing and making love are all expressions of love. Even just touching him when you walk past him. Touching him in the way he really likes—it's not always a sexual way, either.

So if your husband is really good about telling you how nice you look or how much he likes your cooking (or whatever else) try telling him, sincerely, things you really appreciate about him. Sprinkle in compliments and verbal appreciation and you'll see him beaming.

Does your husband bring home little things for you? Even just a candy bar or a rose from the checkout line says that he was thinking of you, and that maybe his language is gifts. Next time your out, find a little something you think he would like or find interesting and give it to him. It usually doesn't have to be a Craftsman super tool chest or anything with a big price tag, but just something you know he would like.

Is it important to your husband to have a clean house? Some men understand love when their laundry is washed, folded and put away for him. I know, I know, in my last post I told you to skip folding the laundry and jump in bed with some zest, but there are times when you need to say 'I love you' by doing housework—especially if that's how your husband understands love best. And I'd guess that if he does, then housework is the hardest thing for you to do—it's that wonderful law of opposites attracting.

Maybe you married a quality time man. Does he follow you into whatever room you're in, even when you're wishing you had just two minutes to yourself? Or maybe he likes doing things with you—golfing, fishing, camping, riding motorcycles. You might consider learning to do whatever it is he's been asking you to do with him, or whatever it is he really likes doing—even if he hasn't asked you to do them with him for years. I know many women who took up fishing simply to be with their husbands, and grew to love it and their marriages grew stronger too.

There's more to touching than sex. If your husband is always touching you when he goes past you, or if he's driving you crazy by always having his hands all over you, it could be he's a physical touch communicator. Take the time and find out how he likes best to be touched. Maybe he likes his hair touched, maybe a foot massage or rubbing your hands up his chest. Find out and make sure you touch him that way.

Many of these things take a little thought, but once you know his main love languages, you can effectively communicate love to him. It saves time and frustration in the long run, and makes for a happier and more contented husband, which turns right around and blesses you.

If you haven't read The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman, you can order it from Amazon or CBD. You can also look for it at your church library or public library! It's a book you definitely want to read!

So tell me, what are some of the surprising ways you've found to express love to your husbands?