Nothing Casual About Sex

"My name is Steve. I’ve been married five years and love my wife now more than ever. We have an amazing son and the news that we were expecting a baby girl made our future even brighter.

But choices I had made in my past would cloud our bright future and leave our newborn daughter fighting for her life.

At first, our daughter seemed healthy, but after a few days my wife said something about our daughter didn’t seem right. Our baby girl was sluggish and not very responsive to us. Our pediatrician said not to worry and that all babies are different. He said, “She won’t act the same way your son did.”

Then one night while my wife was holding our newborn, our baby girl stopped breathing and turned blue.

I thought my daughter was dying. Then we got a devastating diagnosis: our daughter had been born with herpes.

The casual sex I had in college left me infected with the incurable virus. Before we were married I had told my wife I had herpes so throughout our marriage we were careful only to have sex when we thought it was safe.

Yet as careful as we were, my wife still contracted the virus sometime while she was pregnant with our daughter.

My wife didn’t know that she had contracted herpes. She never had a single symptom.

The anger and guilt I felt knowing that I had passed the virus to my wife and she had passed it to my daughter was overwhelming.

As we watched our daughter struggle to stay alive, I thought, “We were so careful. How could this happen?”

It happens more easily than you think. You can catch herpes even with condom use. You can catch herpes from a partner even when they don’t have an outbreak. You can pass it on to an infant even when you don’t have an outbreak.

Herpes attacks an infant’s brain, eating through it.

Babies who survive are usually left with severe disabilities.

The virus was already eating through my daughter’s liver. We prayed her brain would not be next.

Our prayers were answered. Our daughter made a miraculous recovery.

The virus did not attack her brain. Developmentally, she is a normal 15 month old. But that can change at any minute. The virus can attack again.

It is heartbreaking to watch the painful medical procedures our daughter must undergo every month. She will never outgrow herpes. It will be a threat to my little girl’s health for the rest of her life. And it all started with the lie of casual sex.

The lie that casual sex feels great and hurts no one.

It’s the lie I was taught in high school sex-ed class. It is the lie kids are now taught in middle school sex-ed class. Some politicians want to talk to kids in kindergarten.

I’m reminded of that lie every day.

Reminded by the recent news reports that one out of every four adults in New York City has herpes, adults who think that casual sex hurts nobody because that’s what our culture tells them.

But mostly, I’m reminded of the lie of casual sex by the blisters on my daughter’s tiny fingers. Painful blisters that never seem to go away.

And I’m reminded by her fight for life.

Casual sex? See for yourself. Then ask, “What can I do to help stop the lie?”"

This is the transcript from a testimony I heard recently on Focus on the Family. I thought it was too powerful not to share. Perhaps you can help stop the lie by sharing Steve's story with someone you know.