When You Aren't Connecting

Have you ever had those times in your marriage when you and your husband just don't seem to be connecting emotionally? Like there's a huge gap between the two of you? It's not that you're fighting or even mad at each other, but you don't seem to be on the same wave length. You're just not feeling close to each other. It happens. And when it does, sometimes it's really hard to not only bridge the gap, but close the chasm, too.

One good step that might help us bridge the gap and connect emotionally is to connect physically. In fact, sometimes that physical connection is what it takes for the emotional connection to click back into place. But it seems that this is exactly when connecting physically is extra hard. I mean, you don't feel like making love with your husband, and you don't feel like spending the time with him and putting that much energy into something you'd rather skip at the moment. Why fake it? Faking it isn't the honest thing to do. You know it. I know it. Our husbands know it.

But...

You don't have to fake it! You just have to take that first step. Then another. And another. And another. How often do we start things out of necessity or duty and then realize somewhere along the way that hey, we're having fun? The same can happen with loving our husbands!

If we were to let our emotions rule our lives we'd be a mess. So we don't. Yet all too often we let our emotions rule our marriages and our love lives. That might've been great when we were first married, but now that the honeymoon is long gone, it's time to live purposefully. And love purposefully. That means deciding where we want to go and then get going. That means stripping and slipping into bed even when we don't feel like it. It means ruling our lives with our heads and letting our emotions catch up with us. And they will! Just like a boat will follow the lead of the winch onto a boat trailer, our emotions follow our purposeful leading.

Choosing to make love simply to reestablish the connection between us is living and loving purposefully. It's like getting a track hoe and filling in the chasm that's developed between us, one scoop at a time. Sometimes all it takes is just once, but other times it takes much more. If we let that distance between us linger, it will only get harder and harder to fix and it's not something we want in our marriages. But even if the gap has grown into a chasm, don't give up if reconnecting physically doesn't seem to reconnect you emotionally. Many times the best things in life are not the easy things, and our marriages definitely fit in that category.

We can choose to physically connect with our husbands simply to reestablish closeness. That closeness is a step in the right direction and it's easier to steer an object in motion than it is something that's not moving. Keep that forward momentum going.

So tell me, how are your connections?
What are some things you do to connect and stay connected?