Saturday Mornings

We'd like to welcome Julia Golightly back to Adding Zest today! A few weeks ago, Julia sent in A Slow Fade where she encouraged us to love our husbands in a way they understand. Today she's back with good idea for us.

Do you remember Saturday mornings pre-kids?

Slowly you open your eyes, the sun is already up and a masculine arm is wrapped around you. The length of his body is pressed against the back of yours warming you all night long. The corners of your mouth turn up into a peaceful smile and you exhale in containment. You roll over to look at your husbands handsome face. Before long you can't help yourself. Reaching up you stroke his scruffy cheek. Sleeping he looks handsome in a different sort of way, no worries, just at peace. He begins to stir. His eyes meet yours, “How long have you been watching me sleep?”

That begins your lazy Saturday morning. Maybe you talked all morning about “someday”. Maybe you made love. No matter what you did it was just the two of you. No one else to care for. No one else to worry about, just you and he.

Now it's more like this.....
You open your eyes. It's so early the sun is still sleeping and there is a set of beady eyes watching you. “What's for breakfast, Mommy?” No time for cuddling, no talk of tomorrow, right into the hustle and bustle of giggles, snotty noses, and soggy diapers.

So how do we get our old Saturdays back? Truthfully, I don't think you do until it's just the two of you again. But you can make something new. Something similar. Obviously what I am going to suggest won't work for couples with very wee ones.

On Friday night pick what's for breakfast in the morning and let the kids know. I don't mean bacon and eggs. Get out some pop tarts, granola bars, cereal, bananas, or slice some fruit and place it in the fridge. Go ahead and fill all sippy cups and the older kids' cups and put them on a low shelf in the fridge so that it is accessible to the kids without your help.

I know some of you moms are squirming right now. I know because before my marriage went through it's trails this idea would seem ghastly to me. But think of it this way, seven mornings a week you cater to their every need. It will be okay if one of those mornings you do something different. So let them have a cold breakfast they can get themselves.

Then I want you to pick a movie and place it in the DVD player, showing your older one how to start it. Or, if you have cable set it to the right channel so all they have to do is turn the TV on.

The last thing I want you to do is place a pack of gum at your bed side along with some mascara, lip gloss and a brush.

Now, when Saturday morning comes....
If they rise early send them back to bed until the sun comes up. At that point they may get up and you can change diapers and remind everyone what's for breakfast. Let them know when everyone is finished the movie may begin. Let it be known that any fighters will miss the movie and play in their room.

Return to your room, shut the door and lock it. Brush your hair, slap on a thin coat of mascara, and a little lip gloss. Pop in a piece of gum and share some with your handsome husband. Now do what you please. It may not be the Saturday of old and it may only last a couple of hours but when our kids are little you should strive to take what time you can get.

We make time for our kids every morning. Set aside a morning just for him. Don't let him forget he is still the man of your dreams, the one you chose before all others.


Submitted by Julia Golightly.

A Tiger Doth Make

Hey there, ladies! My life right now is...well, I won't bore you with the details. I had two choices for today's post: 1. No post or 2. Post a story I wrote awhile ago. I decided on a story.

This is fiction, but it's loosely based on the baby years here at my house. There was a loooooong stretch of time when I was either pregnant or nursing, so I really do understand where some of you are right now. I know the exhaustion of caring for little ones, and let me assure you--these years will pass! But anyway, here's a short story for you...I hope you don't mind.

A Tiger Doth Make

Matt hadn’t been eavesdropping; there was just no way he could help overhearing the ladies at a lunch table behind him. They were young, working mothers and they were talking about all the demands placed on them and how they felt about it. What he heard shocked him. Did Katie feel the same way even though she was a stay-at-home-mom? He jotted down some notes as the ladies behind him thoughtfully finished their conversation with things they wished their husbands would do for them.

On his way home from work Matt stopped and bought Katie roses. She would be surprised since he hadn’t given her roses since Mark, their oldest, had been born three years ago.

“Daddy!” Mark and Luke, who was a year-and-a-half, ran to greet him when he walked in the door. Katie called out a hello from the kitchen, over the fussing of baby Becky.

Matt brought the roses into the kitchen, stopped in the doorway and looked around, astounded by the mess. “What on earth happened here?” The Tupperware cabinet had been emptied, undoubtedly by Luke, a box of Cheerios was spilled across the linoleum, the broom and dust pan were lying on the floor beside a broken glass and Katie looked like she was about to fly into a million little pieces.

“Roses?” Matt thought he detected a little hysteria in her voice, but he wasn’t sure. “After a day like this you brought me roses?! Can’t you see how busy I am and that I’m exhausted?”

“Yes, roses for you. Simply because I love you.” He tried to drop a kiss on her cheek but she pulled away.

“Don’t even try sweet talking me. I’m not up to dealing with you, too. I still have to clean up this mess, supper to finish, dishes to do and kids to put to bed. The roses are beautiful, but I’m almost too tired to enjoy them.”

He wrapped an arm around her and propelled her toward the dining room where she had a vase or two stashed. “I’ll take care of the mess, you take care of those.” He was very careful to keep his hand on her shoulder and not goose her as he usually did. When Katie turned around and looked at him strangely he just waved her on, chuckling to himself. “How can women misunderstand so many things?” he wondered.

“Ok. What are you up to?” Katie demanded later that night as she nursed Becky one last time before putting her to bed.

“Do I have to be up to anything?”

“Of course you do.” She slanted her husband a look. “Roses don't automatically make for a tiger in bed.”

Matt laughed. “So I’ve heard. Guess it’s a good thing I wasn’t after a tiger.”

“So, if you weren’t after a tiger, what’re the roses for?”

“To say ‘I love you’ and that I appreciate all you do around here. I know it’s not easy.”

Katie’s eyes opened wide. “You gave me roses for the first time in three years, just to tell me you love me? For no other reason? Not even in the hope of having a tiger in bed?” Her disbelief evident.

“That’s right. You’re exhausted and you needed a pick-me-up.” Matt was enjoying himself, but he could clearly see how run-down she was.

Katie shook her head. “Matt, you’re incredible.” She reached down and smoothed Becky’s fuzzy hair as she fought the tears that threatened to overflow. “You are the most unselfish and thoughtful man I know. I’m sorry I’ve been so tired and cranky.”

Matt went over and crouched in front of Katie. “Honey, it’s ok that you’re tired. I just wanted you to know that I love you. That was all. I wasn’t trying to bargain for loving; you need rest more right now.” He reached out and took the baby from her. “I’ll get her settled, you go on to bed.”

“Thank you.” Katie cupped Matt’s face in her hands and kissed him. “Any other man would expect a tiger when he brought home roses, but you brought home roses and are making sure I get some extra sleep. You have no idea how much this means to me. You are the most wonderful man in the world.”

Katie started for the hallway, but stopped. “Roses make for loving feelings and sweet sleep, and sleep a tiger doth make.”
********

My husband, wonderful man that he is, often stepped in and saved me from sheer lunacy--and he's still doing it even though we no longer have Cheerios in our house. He's still the most wonderful man in the world, too!

Which White Wabbit?

The theme of my days recently has been
“I'm late! I'm late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm Late, I'm LATE!” and it's about driving me nuts! It's not just in my work or with my kids, it's every area of my life right now—including my marriage. I'm meeting myself coming and going and often don't know which end is up. And I bet you have a good idea of what I'm talking about and how I'm feeling!!

Many men have an amazing ability. They can be dog tired after a day of killing themselves at work, but just when things are settling down for you and you're drawing a deep breath to relax for a moment, they come to life. They get the look in their eye and suddenly you know that your day isn't over yet.

So what do many of us do? We pull out a pocket watch that's at least as big as the White Rabbit's and suddenly the Energizer Bunny takes up residence in the White Rabbit costume and we keep running frantically until you-know-who has fallen asleep. Then we finally slip into bed, even more exhausted, thankful we got off easy.

But did we?

Sure, we might have swept the floor and gotten two loads of laundry folded, that really needed to be folded, but do you think your man would have fished for socks in the dryer if it meant connecting with you for 30 minutes? Ask him! Give him the choice. Say, “Sweetheart, do you want clean, folded socks in your dresser, or me in bed with you, naked?” What do you think he'll say?

Oh! Is that why you don't ask? But stop and think about it. You're exhausted, and maybe overwhelmed with everything, but for the same amount of time you can feel connected and rejuvenated or you can feel out of sorts and like you've let down yet another person. And yes, I'm talking from experience here and I'm talking to myself here, too.

When we choose to fold laundry, we're missing out on an opportunity to love our husbands. But not just that! We're missing out on an opportunity for our husbands to love us and for them to come alongside us and hold us tight. That connection with them can help us weather the frantic storms that beat on us every day. And giving them the choice of having something done around the house that really does need to be done or time spent together clues them in to some of the things pulling on you. Our husbands often see things we don't, and that one question could not only connect the two of you, but it could help you put things in perspective and priority.

So tell me, which white wabbit are you.
And even better—which white wabbit are you gonna be?

Rewards of Rebuilding

Not that anyone needs a lesson in anatomy and physiology, but I thought a reminder is in order that when you work on rebuilding the ruins, you get to reap the rewards...as in getting one of these little guys.

I'm just sayin'.

Michael John was born on 8/8, 9 lbs 4 ozs (doesn't he look like Daddy?!)

We are trying to catch our breath; I hope to be back soon!

Handwork

We'd like to welcome Shula to the Adding Zest writing team. Shula will be a regular with us, sharing secrets she's learned along the way. Because she will be sharing things that are even more on the graphic side than I do, she's writing under a pen name--for her own peace of mind and because her husband asked her to for his peace of mind.

And now, please help me welcome Shula to Adding Zest.

Hello ladies! I'm so happy to be with y'all here at Adding Zest! What a treat to be someplace where we're encouraged to love our husbands. I'm really looking forward to being here with y'all and talking about things that many of us have often wished we could talk about so we could learn how to be better lovers. God created us to be lovers, and the more I learn, the more in awe I am of how He made us and the incredible gift He's given us when He gave us sex. The gift of making love with our husbands.

Now, many women love doing handwork, and I've got to tell y'all, from what I've heard, men love it when they do. In fact, when handwork is done right it will curl a man's toes.

Remember that post Patty did, Tickle the Ivory? In there she mentioned that the original language of Song of Solomon 5:14 is really quite erotic. Shulamith lovingly talks about her husband's body—all of his body, even his penis. Instead of just “His arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires.” (NIV) she calls his penis a smooth and expensively ornamented tusk of ivory. And what are we to do with the ivory? Tickle it—touch it—play with it and do handwork with it!

There comes a time in every marriage when you're temporarily out of order. Times when you can't come together (intercourse) for one reason or another. But that doesn't mean that you're broken or out of service. You can still be intimate with your husband, you just have to be a little creative in your love making—and this is where the handwork comes in. Use your hands to pleasure your man. And I don't mean just fondling his ivory. I mean bringing him to completion (ejaculation) by using your hands.

This is another one of those things that takes some practice, but think of the fun you have as you practice! First, let's talk about our hands real quick. Dishwater and cleaning agents are killers on hands! A good lotion or cream is a marriage investment, girls, especially if you have crocodile skin and rough hands. Keep your hands just as soft as you possibly can. Another thing to keep in mind when you're planning on doing some handwork is your fingernails. Long nails might look great, but they can be scary when it comes to your man's ivory. However long they are, make sure they're filed smooth. No jagged edges.

Now we can get to the good stuff! How do you do handwork?

Get comfortable! A good way is for your man to sit in a comfortable chair—an easy chair, if you're fortunate enough to have one in your room or if you have the house to yourselves. Another way is for him to stretch out on the bed with you kneeling between his legs. You'll want to have your knees tucked up close to his butt or you'll have to reach forward, which could put a strain on your back. Sometimes it even works well to have his butt on your knees.

Lubricate! I saw some of the girls mentioned lube in the comments. You're going to need it, and lots of it so keep it handy. Put a generous amount on your hands and spread it around. (Some use K-Y Jelly, some use Astroglide—check what's available and experiment.)

Smile! Even if you're concentrating on your hands and what they're doing, smile and make sure you're letting him know with your face that you love him. You want to make sure that he understands that you're doing this out of love for him, and frowning (even if it's a frown of concentration) communicates the wrong things to him. So smile!

Knit! That's right, knit your fingers together—just lace them together loosely and sandwich his ivory penis between your hands so the sensitive underside is against your thumbs. Move your hands up and down so that your fingers bump and slide over the head (glans) of his penis, but don't squeeze too tightly. You'll want to get his input concerning how tight to hold him and the speed that he likes, and you'll also want to vary it at times. Sometimes you'll want to use the webbing between your thumb and hand to rub along the sensitive underside of his penis—the varied contour of your hands and fingers will create different sensations for him.

Remember, too much of the same thing tends to lose its effectiveness and even gets boring, so you'll want to change things up and try different hand positions. We'll talk about some other things to try next week. Until then, enjoy your handwork!

Rise and Shine

We'd like to welcome Joanne Sher to Adding Zest today. Joanne has a short story for us--every time I read this story I wonder what Alexandra's life would have been like if she had more confidence in herself.

Rise and Shine
by Joanne Sher
Steven stretched, slamming his hand on the clock’s snooze button. Reaching his other hand toward the middle of the bed, he found Brenda’s nightgown, minus its contents, on the pillow beside him.

Rolling onto his stomach, he stretched his left leg down off the side of the bed until it touched the floor. Turning his body, he maneuvered himself so both feet were on the ground.

With the least amount of exertion necessary, he rested his hands on the side of the bed and pushed himself up until he was standing upright. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, then begrudgingly turned the alarm off.

Man, do I wish I could just go back to sleep.
**

Alexandra wiped the sleep from her eyes and turned her head slowly toward the middle of the bed. She let out a quiet sigh of relief, finding David beside her, his chest moving rhythmically up and down.

Moving as smoothly as she could, she slid toward the edge of the bed, lowering her feet delicately to the floor. She lifted her body slowly from the mattress with care until she was standing by the bed. David hadn’t stirred.

She glanced at the clock. He’d be getting up in ten minutes. She had to get busy.

Alexandra walked out to the kitchen and got the coffee brewing, then crept into the master bathroom, closing the door gently. She brushed her teeth, then grabbed her hairbrush and started brushing out her golden tresses, working to remove every tangle. Once she was satisfied, she checked the mirror, and was turning to leave when she heard David’s alarm.

I hope it won’t be one of those mornings.

**

“Well, there’s one item to cross off your to-do list.” A lanky blonde in a sundress and sandals approached Steven with a smile, a large mug of coffee in her hand.

“Very funny, Brenda. Hilarious.” Steven rolled his eyes, took the mug, and planted a half-hearted kiss about two inches to the right of her mouth.

Brenda moved closer, covering the top of his mug with the palm of her hand.

“Nice try, mister. I’m taking this java back unless I get a real token of your appreciation.”

With a devilish smile, Steven put the mug on his dresser, grabbed Brenda by the waist and pulled her close. He brushed her hair from her face and kissed her passionately. Catching her breath, Brenda moved her head back and smiled, raising her eyebrows.

**

“Hey – where’s my coffee?” David was sitting up in bed, looking about with a scowl.

“Coming right now, David.” Alexandra shuffled toward the kitchen. “Was just getting it.”

When Alexandra returned, David was washing his face in the sink. She placed his coffee on the counter.

“Thanks, Lexie.” David pecked her on the cheek. “Breakfast almost ready?”

“About ten minutes. OK?”

He sighed. “I guess it’ll have to be.”

**

“I’d have brought you a ten-course meal if I’d known you’d be paying me like this.” Brenda winked, playing with Steven’s hair.

“That was just the appetizer, darling.”

Batting her eyes, she backed off a bit. “But you, my dear, need to get moving. Your big meeting is in 45 minutes.”

Steven sighed. “You’re right, as usual. Rain check?”

“You got it. I’ll be here.” Brenda plopped down on the bed, watching Steven’s every move as he walked toward the bathroom.

**

Alexandra lowered her eyes and lumbered back to the kitchen, putting a couple pieces of bread in the toaster and starting two eggs frying in the pan. Breakfast was assembled and on the table when David entered, dressed for work, the morning newspaper in hand.

He sat at his spot and ate in silence, reading through the front section. Alexandra grabbed a glass of juice and sat beside him, glancing his way every minute or so.

“Well, I gotta get to work.” David put the paper down and headed toward the door. “I’ll be home at six – fried chicken on the table when I get home?”

She smiled and nodded.

David blew Alexandra a kiss as he walked out the door. “See you later.”

Alexandra watched his car pull away.

**

A familiar ringing interrupted Brenda’s concentration on Steven. “I’ll get it sweetie.”

Brenda rolled over and grabbed the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Brenda. It’s Alexandra.”

“Hey, Sis! How’s it going?”

“OK, I guess,” Alexandra mumbled. “How about you?”

“Great,” Brenda bubbled. “Just great.”

Joanne Sher is a wife, mother of two, and devoted lover of Jesus. She was saved out of Judaism ten years ago and has a passion for writing, encouraging others in the Lord, and caring for her family. A writer by calling, she enjoys writing devotionals, both here and at her blog An Open Book. She is currently working on editing and polishing Ailing Body, Nourished Soul, a non-fiction book on God’s workings through her husband’s serious health issues. She also loves to write short fiction that glorifies God, and has several novel ideas on the back burner.

So tell me, how does self-confidence affect your marriage?

Creative Lingerie

We'd like to welcome Elizabeth Dempsey to Adding Zest today.

It's that time of the year again. No, not school shopping, not obtaining the latest fall trends, but summer clearance. What does this have to do with adding zest to my marriage you might ask. Well, let me explain.

Variety is always a good thing, but do you ever find that purchasing some nice lingerie can put a big dent in the budget? If you're like me and want to keep things fun and interesting but don't have $100 to spend on an ensemble that no one but your husband will see, here's an idea for a creative way to add some variety to your collection.

I would say that I err on the side of conservative in my clothing choices. Oh course, my sweet husband loves to see me in super tight, super short articles of clothing that I would never feel comfortable being seen in public with. Over the last year I've picked up some not-so conventional items off the clearance rack that I deemed as 'lingerie'. My super-short mini skirt for $5 and my string bikini for $4.50 have become some of my husband's favorite pieces of lingerie. His response to my initial purchase lead me on a hunt to look out for pieces I normally would have never considered.

So next time you're out shopping, swing by that summer clearance rack and pick up some items for his eyes only. Don't be afraid of trying on something you've never considered due to your age or size. Oh, and don't overlook those 5 inch heels and tight, low cut tops either. There is no dress code for the bedroom. All these things send him the same message- I want to be pleasing to your eyes.


Elizabeth Dempsey is a stay at home mom of three children under the age of five. After 8 eight years of trying to figure things out, she has made it her life's mission to have the most amazing marriage possible. In what little spare time she has, she peruses blogs and shops clearance racks.

Smile If...

Laughing couple By ~eloise~

I have it on good authority that men like it when their woman smiles at them and laughs with them. Think back to your dating days. I bet there was lots of smiling and laughing going on. How many times have you heard that a man was first attracted to a a woman by her smile? How many times do you see a man appreciate a woman's smile—whether it's teens flirting or octogenarians teasing? Men gravitate toward smiles. And it's not just men.

There's just something about a smile that makes people feel good. It makes you feel good and more desirable and more in the mood for your man. It's a warm fuzzy gift for both of you.

One time when my husband was out of town on business he was busy enough that he hadn't been able to call home much. Instead of leaving my phone in the living room like I usually do, I brought it to bed with me and put it on his pillow in the hopes he'd call, even if it was in the middle of the night. He did call and we talked and shared our days, laughing at the funny little things just like the days of our engagement.

At one point he paused and sighed. “It's nice to hear you laugh. I've missed it.”

I could hear his smile and his contentment, and I wondered how long it had been since I'd laughed like that with him. It was a sobering moment for me, one that I haven't forgotten. He may have been simply referring to the many days since we'd been together, but it made me stop and realize just how important smiling and laughing with my husband is.

A smile is a sweet way to say 'I love you.'
A smile is a simple start to a pleasant time together.
Laughter is a lovely start to a zesty interlude—no matter the time of day or night, and no matter your age.

We know these things, but all too often we get caught up in life. The frustrations and mundaneness of life have a way of hijacking smiles.

lady putting on lipstick.jpg
Uploaded by by golly molly

It takes thought and effort to set those things of life aside, just like it takes a bit of effort to freshen ourselves up for when we're with our man—whether it's when he comes home from work or when we do. But it's worth the effort.

Putting a smile on our face, and more importantly, a smile in our eyes, is better than putting lipstick on lips that only frown.

A smile communicates love and acceptance to our husbands, and our happiness and contentment feed his happiness and contentment. But many times we forget to let him know that we truly are happy deep inside because we're so focused on those frustrations and the mundane responsibilities. Often those are the times when we forget to smile at our man, too.

Honey, if you love him, smile!

So tell me, when was the last time you smiled at your husband? Really smiled, not just turned-up-the-corners-of-your-mouth-smiled.

The Physical Connection

We'd like to welcome Dineen Miller to Adding Zest today.

First of all I’d like to thank Patty for inviting me here. I consider it an honor and a privilege. And what a wonderful site Adding Zest is! As Christians we tend to stray away from the subject of sex, or at least keep it in the shadows. Yet the Bible treats it with respect and honesty, so we can, too!

Second of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Dineen Miller and I’m married to a wonderful man (22 years this fall) who happens to be an atheist. So, yes, I’m unequally yoked—have been for fourteen years now.

One of the most difficult parts of a spiritually unequal marriage (S.U.M.) is the aspect of spiritual warfare. You might say, as the believing spouse, we are like a missionary on the front lines. Some of us have an easier time living and sharing our faith with our spouse and family. Others must literally keep their Christianity in the shadows—books in drawers, Bibles hidden, etc.

Part of this struggle comes in the great challenge of staying connected to our spouse. God designed our emotional, physical, and intellectual characteristics to be based in our spirituality. In other words, He is to be the center of our world. And He’s the one who helps us keep these three areas balanced.

When we as the believer come from such a place, connecting to our unbelieving spouse can be very difficult and discouraging. As women we tend to look for this connection in the emotional aspect where men connect better on the emotional level through the physical aspect. Thus, I’ve noticed that sex can wind up holding a more critical place in a S.U.M.

Amazingly, in God's great plan, sex is meant to be deeply spiritual, too. I believe this is also why the Bible describes sexual immorality as a sin against ourselves, because it strikes against our spirit. This is also what makes us so vulnerable to spiritual attack in the form of sexual temptation.

So how do we fight this battle?

1.Start with your armor. Wear it daily. (Eph 6:10-17) At times I literally pray these verses and visualize putting these physical pieces of armor on. As an artist, I’m visual by nature. This helps me to remember whose protecting me.

2.Pray over your marriage bed. This starts before you even hit the bedroom. Pray for God to provide special times for you and your spouse to be alone and for that time to be protected. The marriage bed is sacred. Do not let anything else interfere with that.

3.Make the effort. Did you know that mystery and anticipation are forms of foreplay? Do the set-up. If you’ve made plans for an interlude that night, spend the day thinking about your husband. Send him private messages that you’re thinking about him. Give him hints about your plans. Be creative. Build it up. Make sure you’re the only one on his mind.

4.Let him know he’s the only man in your world. In a S.U.M. it’s not unusual for the unbelieving spouse to see God as a third party who’s taking his wife’s attention away. Without faith, they can’t see it any other way than interference. Intimacy is a great way to reassure your husband his place is secure in your life.

Most of these principles apply to marriage in general. Staying connected to our spouse is a challenge in any kind of marriage, especially in a world ruled by an enemy whose greatest target is relationships.

In a S.U.M. connecting is even more critical, because it’s not just a relationship at stake but a soul as well. God’s called us to the front lines of battle where, most often, our actions speak louder than anything we have to say.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Dineen A. Miller writes suspense novels, articles, and devotionals and is the owner of Designer Girl Graphics. Formerly a youth counselor and Stephen Minister, her current passion is ministry to the unequally yoked. She’s also a co-writer at SpirituallyUnequalMarriage.com. Her most challenging adventures to date are being the mother of two teens, the wife of an avid disc golf player, and getting her first book published.

A Slow Fade

We'd like to welcome Julia Golightly to Adding Zest today. She has a message for us about some things many of us would just as soon not think about--but if we don't, there could be great consequences.

Within the first three months of our marriage we took the 5 Love Languages test (by Dr. Gary Chapman). I wasn't surprise to find one of my husband's love languages was physical touch. I can't leave the room, even if it's only to get a drink, without my husband touching me. Most of the time it wasn't even sexual touch, just reaching out to touch my hand as I passed by.

I was, however, surprised to learn that words of affirmation was his second love language. Since we married at 18, I hadn't learned yet that a man needs to feel that he has a purpose (i.e. being good at his job, his importance to the family--being needed there). I also hadn't ever thought of men needing to hear how good looking they are or how good they are in bed.

In the beginning I tried, but over the years I slowly stopped actively trying to love him with his languages and started loving him with mine, acts of service. Years went by without me intentionally trying to love him with his love language and feeling like all the things I did to make his life easier were proof of how I felt for him.

For years my husband was quietly yearning to hear from me. To know that I liked his new hair cut. To feel like I thought he was handsome. To hear how amazing I thought he was in bed, and so on. I felt all of those but was only sharing it sporadically, hardly at all, and therefore his need for his kind of love was going unmet. He felt as if he was disappearing. That he didn't matter anymore. He felt ugly and unwanted by the person he loved the most. And that left the door to disaster wide open for Satan to walk through.

“You have big juicy lips. I wonder what it's like to suck them.” Those are the words that changed our lives forever. She was just some girl from work. No one special. Truthfully, he never liked her. She was nothing like him. He is hardworking and driven while she is spoiled and arrogant. But because I had neglected him for years he felt unattractive to me and here was someone who desired him.

Satan put her right where he knew my husband was the weakest. My husband had no intentions of an affair but he hadn't felt wanted or handsome for so long. Foolishly, he believed he was strong enough to only flirt, to do something to make him feel good. But as the song says 'it's a slow fade' and black and white turned to gray.

Satan moved mightily in our marriage. There were things along the way that could have saved us. A large one being for me to nurture my husband's love and needs.

I beg of you not to be so arrogant to believe that it wont happen to you and your husband. Those were our thoughts. You may be thinking that I don't know your husband, that he would never do such a thing, but I must say it never would have been expected of mine. Devoted, doting, hardworking, dedicated father, Christian, seeker of God, and in the ministry.

I encourage you to have the tough conversations this very day. Ask if he is temped by anything or anyone. A few uncomfortable conversations may save your marriage. I never asked if he was tempted because I though we were better than that. I didn't pray for his purity because I didn't think it was necessary.  I didn't love him the way God would have wanted me to love him.

Keeping it Burning

I've invited several of my friends to write an article or two or four for Adding Zest to help me through these days without Heidi. I'm so thankful for their response to my plea for help--they are an answer to prayer! These ladies might not be strangers to any of you that also read Exemplify and if you haven't discovered Exemplify yet, let me assure you, you'll love it there. The women have a tremendous heart for God and they don't pull their punches. Many times I put on my steel toed shoes before going because they speak truth. Today I'd like to welcome Christy Klein to Adding Zest.

My husband and I have been married for nearly 13 years now, so as you can imagine, our fire needs a little stoking every now and then. I’ve employed many different tactics over the years to keep the flame alive between my hubby and I. Some of these tactics have definitely been more successful than others.

If you are on twitter at all then you’ve probably noticed the mass amounts of twitter bimbos that stalk the twitterverse. Truly, it’s sickening how many scantily clad avatars I block in a day. A few weeks ago a light came on in my head. I thought, “If I’m getting all these pornographic invites on twitter then so is my hubby!” So I did what any self-respecting Christian wife would do... I started obsessing over my husband’s followers list. Whenever I come across a twitter bimbo that is attempting to prey on my husband, I hack into his account and block her before he gets the chance to see. Some of you are probably thinking that I have stepped over a line here. But let me remind you that men are stimulated by sight. ALL men. Believing your husband is any different is just plain naive. There is nothing wrong with protecting your property and that is what your husband is, ladies, he belongs to you. I admit I am vicious when it comes to protecting my marriage. And why shouldn’t I be? Only my relationship with God should be valued above my relationship with my husband. 

Anyway, it might make you feel better to know that I confessed to my husband that I had been blocking on his behalf. And do you know what? He didn’t care one single bit (I knew he wouldn’t). In fact, he found it rather amusing! Oh, how I love that man!!

“Why am I telling you all of this?” you are probably wondering. Well, because it was precisely this series of events that inspired my current keeping-it-burning method. You see, I realized that it wasn’t enough for me to simply block the bimbos I find on twitter. This world is crawling with lustful women lurking in the shadows, watching and waiting for that under appreciated husband to happen by. So, I decided it was time to give those women some very heavy competition... 

I created a protected X-rated twitter account to mercilessly tease my darling husband with... Yes. I. Did! I tweet him details about sexy dreams I have (yes, sometimes I just make stuff up, but who’s gonna know?), if I’m thinking about him, or my plans for a steamy evening together. The point is, I make sure he knows that he is wanted, desired and loved... by me. And the results have been fabulous! I mean, he’s always wonderful, but the very first day I started this, I got an invitation for a weekend getaway for two! Not to mention the HUGE smile on his face when he came home from work that day... and just about everyday since.

A few important things to remember if you are going to do this:
1. Your updates ARE NOT protected until you go into the settings and make it so.

2. Though your updates will be private, your avatar will be available for public viewing, so keep it PG.

3. Nothing you send into cyber space is ever completely private & confidential. So tweet with that in mind!

By Christy Klein author of Falling Around All Apart Me
and home style columnist for Exemplify Online Magazine.

A Kiss for Her Baby

Today we have a special treat here at Adding Zest--something we've not had before: fiction! I'd like to welcome my good friend, and fellow fiction writer, Dee Yoder.

If you ladies enjoy having fiction every now and then please let me know because I just happen to know some wonderful ladies that write good Christian short stories. And now, here's
A Kiss for Her Baby

The piping hot water in the sink is turning my hands a lobster red. I pull a casserole dish from the sudsy water and run the sponge over and around the rim and surfaces. My shoulders ache from the tension and stress of the day, and I can’t wait to finish this last chore.

As I rinse the glass under steaming water, I suddenly remember where the dish came from. I examine the gold rim and the bright red flowers that are centered on the creamy white middle. She held this dish…and she washed it clean, just as I’m doing…maybe one hot summer evening like this one, after a supper of tuna casserole or, maybe, home-made macaroni and cheese. I place the glass container carefully on the drainer board.

The darkened window above the sink reflects my shadowy face, and I stand still and stare into the past for a minute, trying to imagine my tall husband as a little boy. Did he help her set the table? Would he remember the food she’d prepared in this bowl? Did he laugh with her; stand beside her as they washed and dried the dishes together?

I look around my own modern kitchen and take a swipe at a bead of water on the countertop. The floors are swept, and the dishes are done. The house is quiet at last and I smile at the neatness and order that I know will disappear again in the morning. I turn out the lights on another hectic day and amble down the hall toward bed.

When I come to my son’s room, I stop and peek in. His dark head is snuggled deeply into his pillow and his blanket is stretched tautly over his long body, one foot sticking out, as usual, for “air” at the bottom of his bed.

Where did my baby go? I can’t resist bending over him to stroke his hair. I used to do this every night. I smile at him and place a kiss on my fingertips to transfer to his cheek.

As I turn to go, I think about whether she did this, too. Did she stand over the bed of my husband in his teen years, watching his lanky form while he slept, regretting the passing of time and wondering, like I do, “Where’d my baby go?”

The question remains in my head as I slip into bed beside my sleeping spouse. His face is pressed tight into his pillow and his snores are yet on the gentle side. Though I’ve seen many photos of him as a child, it’s difficult for me to imagine this slumbering giant beside me as her son, her boy, and her baby. I sigh as I watch him rest.

My husband had not been my favorite person today. We’d argued and disagreed over every little thing. I’d thought he was too bossy and he’d thought I was too nagging. He’d gone to bed in a huff and I’d been glad he was finally out of my hair.

His hair is ruffled and sticking up and I reach out to smooth it down, but I hesitate. I’m still miffed with him and the anger I harbor makes me turn my back to him instead.

The devotional I meant to read this morning is lying face-up on the bedside table, so I grab it and open my Bible to Isaiah.

“… you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandied on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you…”*

As a mother…comforts her child…. Hmmm.

I glance back at my husband and think about his mother. I’d never met her; she’d died long before he’d married me, and I’d often wondered if she’d like me. I notice my husband’s eyelashes fanned gently on the bend of his rough cheek. Their soft texture is all that remains as a testament of his little boy face; the face she stroked and kissed at night; the face she loved so much and held so dear.

I feel tears come to my eyes as I remember the harsh words I said to him today. Would I want my son’s wife to say those things to him? No, of course not. She wouldn’t want her son treated this way, either.

I quietly lean down to kiss his cheek as he sleeps. Twice.

“That one was for your Mama. And this one is for me,” I whisper.

*Isaiah 66:13, NIV


Dee Yoder:
I am a writer currently working on an Amish fiction novel. I also write short story fiction for the Faithwriters Writing Challenge and for Patty Wysong's Friday Fiction. I'm married to Arlen and we have a teen son.

Patty here--Dee does waaaay more than just that and there's so much more to Dee. I'm hoping to lure her back another time with an article. ;)

This Week's Headlines

Hello there you Zesty ladies! We've got news!
We've wrapped up our first ever book giveaway here at Adding Zest and after running the number through a random number generator, Stacy's name was drawn. Stacy also happened to be our first commenter of the week, so Stacy, email me at zesters@addingzest.net. I'll need your mailing address so I can drop your book in the mail sometime the first half of this week. Stacy has won a copy of Bruce and Darlene Marie Wilkinson's book The Dream Giver for Couples. Congratulations, Stacy!

Also in this week's news here at Adding Zest...
Heidi's baby has NOT made an appearance yet. Other than stress and the craziness all this has caused, she's okay, just very uncomfortable. This is what I heard Saturday evening...

So let's keep praying for Heidi. I'll keep you posted as I hear things...