Love and Links

I have to admit, I've had another unique month--one that I never could've dreamed up...and I have a very active and colorful imagination. The result has been exhaustion and a good cold and all the fun that comes with those...including discouragement. Thankfully, that's not the end of the story! God is so good and so faithful! I've used the this time to think and pray and evaluate. I wanted to write, but I couldn't without taking time from my family and I chose family time. Slowly we're getting rest, and we're enjoying the discussions this last month has started.

Next week my parents will be visiting. We only get to see them twice a year, my dad's health isn't the greatest, and I've decided to keep to my policy of not working while they're here...that means that unless I get things written between now and Monday, there won't be many, if any, posts next week.

I love you ladies so very much, and I pray for you daily--many of you by name and for specific requests, so even though there may not be activity going on here, please know I'll be back and that I'm praying and missing you.

A little while ago I saw a post on At the Well that had me standing and cheering. Who Does Your Heart Belong To? You do not want to miss this! There's a part two coming and I'll let you know when it's live. I'm really looking forward to it.

I don't know if all of you caught the link someone shared with us in a comment, and I really don't want you to miss it. It's Sarah's story and it packs a whallop. I cried my way through this, from part one through to part five. It's a story of repentance, forgiveness, hope and love.

One of the things I've decided this week is to relieve some of the pressure I've put on myself and aim for twice a week postings. Some weeks there may be three posts (Monday, Wednesday and Friday) but my simplified goal is posting on Monday and Thursdays until Heidi is back or God sends other ladies.

Love you ladies!!

Silence Is {Not} Golden

I don't know about you, but there are days when I'm dying for some silence. Between the kids, the kitchen noise, the multiple stereos playing, the dog barking and just the normal noise of a family with seven members, some nights I crave silence more than chocolate ice cream...which is a whole lot. The problems come when I carry that silence too far—like into the bedroom. Too many times I expect my husband to know what I want or need without me telling him. Even after 20 years of marriage he still reminds me that he's not a mind-reader. (I have to admit that I'm glad he's not because my mind is not always a safe place to be! LoL)

For years I was silent. Not because my husband wanted me to be, but because I was stuck on mute. Some of the time I thought that my needs and feelings weren't important --NOT because my husband made me feel that way, but because I was so caught up taking care of everyone else—something women have a natural tendency to do! Some of the time it was easier for me to be silent and simply go with the flow rather than speak up, and as a result, we missed out on years of closeness—true intimacy. So, here's some things I've learned the hard way, and some things I've gathered from others.

When it comes to intimacy, silence is {not} golden!
I know that the focus of many posts has been making our husbands feel good sexually, but there's sooo much more to love and marriage than that. In fact, if that's as far as your love making goes, then you're both really missing out! That means that you need to speak up and communicate to your husband what you'd like to do, what feels good (and what doesn't) and how different things make you feel. Communication is a two-way street and you are responsible for speaking up and not just hoping he'll read your mind.

Remember, men are not only wired differently from women, but they think differently, too. It's how God made us, and even if we think it would be more romantic if they knew exactly what we needed and when, it's just not reality. I really think making love is a team sport. By working together the team wins, and any team coach will tell you a secret to a good team is their communication.

So what are some things we need to communicate with our husbands?
~What feels good and what doesn't.
~Positions.
~Something you'd like try...or skip trying.

Here are some things to remember when communicating.
~It's doesn't have to be all verbal. You can reposition his hand and use body language to let him know it feels really good right there or even just smile and say "Oh, yeah!"

~Frame things in a positive way every chance you can. Don't say "Not that way, you lunk head!" or "I hate it when..." or "Can't you..." or "You always..." Those phrases are negative and will raise his defenses right when you want all defenses down and the good feelings flowing. Instead, frame those things positively. "I love it when..." or "Could you..." or "How about...I think it would..."

Sometimes you can't get around a negative, but you can say it in a way that is less likely to raise his defenses, or not raise them so high. To do that, make the focus on how you're feeling. You can say "This makes me feel..." You just don't want to take pot shots at your man, especially when you're making love.

Communication is good for both of you!
When we stay silent about our needs and wants, we're denying not just ourselves, but our husbands, too. Ask for what you need. How does this benefit your husband? Well, if your needs are given attention, you might enjoy making love more, which means you might want to make love more often. It also helps him learn what you want and need and that helps him become a better lover. Now tell me, what man doesn't like being an ace at love making? It's a sure way to build his confidence and make him strut.

Another benefit is that when you communicate to your husband what feels good or something you'd like, you open the door to for him to communicate with you. Ask him what you can do to meet his needs better or what he would like to try sometime. Work together to incorporate both of your wants into love making. Sure that might mean you find yourself in a get-up that you never imagined wearing, or trying something that makes you say 'What?!' but that's okay because it's a two-way street. Your willingness will probably feed his willingness. But it's more than that. It becomes a sharing of desires, dreams and needs. And that sharing brings your intimacy to a higher level—you're not just sharing your bodies, you're sharing yourself.

So tell me,
what are some things you do to open communication?
What are some benefits of communicating?

Sweetly, Sweetie!

The last time I read Proverbs, I was struck by how often it says the adulterous woman lures a man with her words—her sweet words. There's got to be something here for us to learn! Us as women. Us as wives.

The adulterous woman in Proverbs would go out to the street corners and watch for men. Once she spotted one, check out what Proverbs 7:6-18 says she did.
(6) For at the window of my house
I looked out through my lattice,
(7) And I saw among the naive,
And discerned among the youths
A young man lacking sense,
(8) Passing through the street near her corner;
And he takes the way to her house,
(9) In the twilight, in the evening,
In the middle of the night and in the darkness.
(10) And behold, a woman comes to meet him,
Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart.
(11) She is boisterous and rebellious,
Her feet do not remain at home;
(12) She is now in the streets, now in the squares,
And lurks by every corner.
(13) So she seizes him and kisses him
And with a brazen face she says to him:
(14) "I was due to offer peace offerings;
Today I have paid my vows.
(15) "Therefore I have come out to meet you,
To seek your presence earnestly, and I have found you.
(16) "I have spread my couch with coverings,
With colored linens of Egypt.
(17) "I have sprinkled my bed
With myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.
(18) "Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning;
Let us delight ourselves with caresses.

So let's check this out.

**She prepared herself physically by dressing to please the men she was after. Prov. 7:10

**She communicated physically her desire by grabbing him and kissing and boldly letting him know she was waiting for him. Prov. 7:13-15

**She let him know she anticipated his arrival and had her bed prepared with her finest AND that she was looking forward to intimate time with him. Prov. 7:16-18

The problem is not the steps she took in her preparation and pursuit, it was who she pursued. She was after someone other than her husband (which is a good reminder to us that there's other women out there after our husbands!) Since we're pursuing our own husband we can use those same steps and reap the rewards, not the consequences. Sounds like a sweet deal to me!

Before your man gets home, put on something you know he finds appealing. It doesn't have to be dressy, just something he likes to see you in. I know—many of the things he really likes seeing in aren't things you can wear around the house when others are up and about—but there's always what you're wearing under what everyone else sees. So make your outer clothes appealing to him and let him know he'll like what's under them even better.

For some of us who work at home all day that might mean changing out of our grubby jeans and t-shirts, and for others of us who work away from the home that might mean changing out of work clothes and not putting on the sweatpants like we often do. Whatever the case, put a little effort into looking nice for your man.

The second thing the woman on the corner did was to let the man know physically that she was waiting for him. She didn't hand off the baby and say 'It's about time you got home!' or even 'Supper's ready and waiting.' She grabbed him and laid one on him. Do you know what that communicates to a man? Whoa! She wants me! And what man doesn't want to be wanted?

The woman on the corner also talked to him. She told him all about the preparations she had done in anticipation of his arrival. Verses 21 & 22 say “With her many persuasions she entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him. Suddenly he follows her...”

Men, like women, enjoy people that appreciate them and talk nicely to them. Many times kind words and words of praise will catch their attention when other, more open attacks won't. One way to help our men be anxious to get home to us is to make sure they hear an abundance of sweet words from our lips. No one likes living with a nag or a sharp tongued woman.

Words are an important part of life, and the ones who use words wisely reap the rewards.

Remember, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, so speak sweetly, sweetie.

If You're Wondering

...where on earth I am and why there hasn't been too much going on here, check out my post on Patterings, my personal blog. Life has thrown my family a curve ball--and although it's been good, it's eliminated any and all time I had. My days have been spent at the fairs we're working and I've not even had time to think, let alone write. I'm hoping that this week will be a little better, but I'm taking each day as it comes because we still have a fair going on and I'm on-call. I HAVE been praying for you ladies! And I'll be back with a regular post just as soon as I can think and do some writing.

Hugs!

Learn the Language of Love

Lots of us are familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages, but I was reminded of just how easy it is to forget what you know—to the point that you're ready to clobber your man. I was recently at that point and I think it's time for a refresher course—at least it is for me.

Has your husband ever been on a kick where he's always reaching over and grabbing you? Yanno, when the hand appears out of nowhere and gooses you or grabs you in such a way that makes you swat him as you look around to see if anyone saw him grab you like that. Or maybe he's always inviting you to go fishing with him. If he's been doing things and they're getting on your nerves, maybe it's time to ask why he keeps doing them. It could be he's telling you that he loves you in his language. If he is, follow his lead and speak to him in that same language. It takes paying attention to what's going on and putting the pieces together, but it's worth the effort—for both of you.

Here's a quick recap of the Love Languages:
*Words of affirmation. Verbally building up and appreciating your husband. Not empty praise, but sincere.

*Gifts. A gift says, “She was thinking about me.” They don't have to be big gifts, just something that says 'I love you.' If you're a saver by nature, look at it as investing in your marriage.

*Acts of service. Doing something for your husband that you know he would like—something important to him. But doing something out of obligation or guilt won't communicate love to him.

*Quality time. Giving your husband your undivided attention. Taking a walk, going for a ride, sitting on the couch with him, sitting at a campfire with him. Talking and listening to him.

*Physical touch. Holding hands, hugging, kissing and making love are all expressions of love. Even just touching him when you walk past him. Touching him in the way he really likes—it's not always a sexual way, either.

So if your husband is really good about telling you how nice you look or how much he likes your cooking (or whatever else) try telling him, sincerely, things you really appreciate about him. Sprinkle in compliments and verbal appreciation and you'll see him beaming.

Does your husband bring home little things for you? Even just a candy bar or a rose from the checkout line says that he was thinking of you, and that maybe his language is gifts. Next time your out, find a little something you think he would like or find interesting and give it to him. It usually doesn't have to be a Craftsman super tool chest or anything with a big price tag, but just something you know he would like.

Is it important to your husband to have a clean house? Some men understand love when their laundry is washed, folded and put away for him. I know, I know, in my last post I told you to skip folding the laundry and jump in bed with some zest, but there are times when you need to say 'I love you' by doing housework—especially if that's how your husband understands love best. And I'd guess that if he does, then housework is the hardest thing for you to do—it's that wonderful law of opposites attracting.

Maybe you married a quality time man. Does he follow you into whatever room you're in, even when you're wishing you had just two minutes to yourself? Or maybe he likes doing things with you—golfing, fishing, camping, riding motorcycles. You might consider learning to do whatever it is he's been asking you to do with him, or whatever it is he really likes doing—even if he hasn't asked you to do them with him for years. I know many women who took up fishing simply to be with their husbands, and grew to love it and their marriages grew stronger too.

There's more to touching than sex. If your husband is always touching you when he goes past you, or if he's driving you crazy by always having his hands all over you, it could be he's a physical touch communicator. Take the time and find out how he likes best to be touched. Maybe he likes his hair touched, maybe a foot massage or rubbing your hands up his chest. Find out and make sure you touch him that way.

Many of these things take a little thought, but once you know his main love languages, you can effectively communicate love to him. It saves time and frustration in the long run, and makes for a happier and more contented husband, which turns right around and blesses you.

If you haven't read The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman, you can order it from Amazon or CBD. You can also look for it at your church library or public library! It's a book you definitely want to read!

So tell me, what are some of the surprising ways you've found to express love to your husbands?

Zapped!

I feel like I was sucked into outer space. Have you ever felt that way? Things were going along so smoothly when suddenly, zapp, I was in the fair limbo. Sheesh. I didn't see that one coming.

We've just come off of working for 10 days at our state fair and I'm exhausted. Our normal routine was blown to smithereens and we were constantly on the run, touching back home for a few hours of sleep before hitting the fairgrounds again. When I sat down to try to write a post for here today, I couldn't. I sat and stared at a blank document for a long time, then I crashed with my family for a few hours. I'll be back hopefully on Friday.

Thanks for your patience while I scramble around trying to remember where I set my brains down. You zesty ladies are some of the best! Love you!!

Creative Ways to Say “I Love You”

I'd like to welcome Zoe, a friend of mine from Exemplify to Adding Zest! I'm so very thankful for her!

Creative Ways to Say “I Love You”
Love is a verb. It’s an action word. So, we should be about the business of showing acts of love in our marriages to keep the flame of romance alive and burning bright. Marriages don’t stand strong just because we’ve followed a theory or a formula. It’s the creative, practical acts of love along the way that serve as the glue that bonds two lives together.

I’d like to share with you some acts of love that have helped to keep the zest in our nest for over 35 years.

1) Fix him a nice hearty breakfast with a scented note thanking him for last night.

2) Arrange to have the children spend the night with grandparents or a friend. Make an ethnic meal of some kind with ethnic music, even dress the part if you can. Maybe a sarong or do up your hair like a flamingo dancer.

3) Spell his name out on the bed with rose petals.

4) Does your husband travel? Pack his suitcase and slip a pair of your prettiest lacey panties in one of the packed pants pocket.

5) Put a love note inside a sock.

6) Is it his birthday? Bring in a homemade cake or even fix a nice meal in his honor at the office.

7) Have a picnic inside or out. Use wine classes, even if you don’t drink alcohol. Get some sparkling white grape juice in a bottle that looks like a wine bottle.

8) Mail him a letter addressed to his place of work telling him how much you appreciate how hard he works to provide for the family. Even if it takes 2 incomes for your family to make it, he needs to hear you appreciate him and his work.

9) Shampoo his hair and then blow dry it.

10) Consider giving him a shave, too.

11) A foot or back massage is always appreciated.

12) Plan a weekend away without telling him. Save your pennies over a few months and surprise him at the end of the day. Pick him up from work and whisk him away.

13) If you can’t get away, plan a one night mini honeymoon at home. Go all out in with making your bedroom or the guestroom into a honeymoon suite.

14) Save your pennies and buy tickets to a concert or game you know he’d like to go to.

15) If he gets home after you, greet him with a warm kiss and a smile. Give him some space to unwind before dinner.

16) Try making love in a different location of your home.

17) Leave him a message him at work. Tell him how much you love him and can’t wait until he comes back home. (Funny story here. One time I did this and he had his phone on speaker phone when someone walked into his office. He was a little embarrassed but the other guy commented he wished his wife would do that.)

18) If your hubby fishes, put a note in his tackle box that says, “You’re the greatest catch. Hurry home so I can fry you up!”

19) Make signs welcoming him home, saying I love you, you’re the best, etc. and post them at your neighborhood entry, at the end of the driveway, and on the door.

20) At Valentines, buy an extra bag or two of the candy hearts to use throughout the year. Pull out the message you want to share with him, let him read it and then put it in his mouth.

21) Always make sure your sheets are fresh and smell nice. And make your bed everyday!

22) Spray the sheets with a linen spray.

23) Write him a love note on the bathroom mirror using an old tube of lipstick.

24) Put a note inside an ice cube that he can see – “My heart melts for you.”

25) Take out the trash for a change.

26) Clean something that you know bothers your hubby.

27) Fix him a bubble bath complete with candles surrounding the tub. Join him if there’s room.

28) Read a book on marriage together. I highly recommend “Love and Respect.”

29) Treat him with respect. Don’t say insulting things or demean him in anyway. Let him know how much you love him by the words you choose to say.

30) Seek his counsel and advice before that of a girlfriend.

31) Seek his counsel in spiritual matters rather than your pastor.

I hope this gives you a few ideas in saying “I love you” creatively. Enjoy building your zesty nest.

Heart Music

Today I'd like to welcome Sarah Crispin to Adding Zest. Sarah sent in a memory of her dad and mom and she gave her permission to share this with you ladies.

Heart Music

My family lived in a house with an open kitchen and dining room design.The kitchen extended a few feet beyond the end of the long dinner table.

My siblings and I sat around the table chatting, waiting for supper to start. My mother placed the food on the table, and checked to make sure the stove was turned off. My dad stood near his chair, the one nearest the kitchen.

Then, as if a secret signal or eye twinkle had been given between my parents, they often reached for one another and waltzed around the kitchen. They didn’t seem to need any music, other than their own heart music which only they heard. They spun a few turns between the stove and the table, holding each other close and smiling. The dance rarely lasted more than a couple of minutes.

We children ceased our talking and just watched and smiled at our parents as they danced. Food could wait; love had to have its time. Sometimes the dance ended when my dad dipped my mother or when they heard a giggle from the table.

Not only did my parents connect with each other after a long day, but they set an example (whether they realized it or not) for their children, that couples can show their love in many ways.

Sent in by Sarah Crispin.


Thank you so much, Sarah! I remember my parents waltzing around the living room, too, and it's a memory that I hold close. Like Sarah said, it was a great tangible reminder of my parents' love for each other. I loved seeing them dance together and I'm sure that my wish to someday learn to ballroom dance stems from watching them waltz between the furniture to the music on the stereo. Even though their dances only last minutes, it's had a lasting impact on me and my sisters.

So tell me, have you done any dancing with your honey lately?