Going Ape!

On Heidi's personal blog, Moms, Ministry and More, she's hosting the coolest spotlights and giveaways I've ever heard of and I wanted to make sure all of you know about it. Not only is Heidi hosting Candle in the Corner, but some of the people she's spotlighting are friends of Adding Zest. =] Be sure to stop by, say hi and participate!



Now then, on to Going Ape...

Words are powerful weapons. They can be both destructive and constructive. Ideally, we would use them only constructively, but with our human nature, the ideal isn't always true. Keeping a tight rein on our tongues is necessary.

“So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!” ~James 3:5 NAS

I've always thought of that verse in the negative light and only seen the destruction a loose tongue can cause, but after a little studying, I see the positive side of it in a marriage. We love sparks in our marriage and we love the times when our marriage is blazing hot—so why don't we put our tongues to good work by putting some spark in our marriage?

How can we do that? By using our tongues wisely, just as James and Proverbs admonishes us to do over and over again. No matter how many years we've been married, our husbands love knowing they're our knights in shining armor and it's a wise woman who shines her husband's armor. It's a gift she gives him.

So how do you shine his armor? One way is to go ape over him.

Gibraltar Barbary Apes By j glenn montano 3

Appreciate.
Want to see your man strut? Let him know with your words and actions that he's your hero and that you love and appreciate him for it. Search for things you truly appreciate about your man, and then tell him about it.

“There's no doubt about it: Appreciation in any form at any time brightens anyone's existence, however drab it my be. And like a beam of sunlight striking a mirror, the brightness is reflected right back to you.”
~Secrets of Staying in Love by Ruth Stafford Peale, Chapter 10.

Praise.
Praising our men makes them walk taller at the end of an exhausting day and gives them confidence in themselves and in our marriages. I'm talking about sincere praise, not empty flattery. Just like a woman, a man takes great joy in a job well done. So many of us are very careful to praise our children and build them up, but in the rush of life, we often overlook and forget to praise our husbands. When we do that, we're leaving the door cracked open for others to fill that need for them. We want to be the ones they look to for both appreciation and praise. If we're not, it's easy for them to turn to their jobs or even to other people to fill that need to be appreciated.

Flying Apes By H!ghTower

Encourage.
Encouraging your husband is not babying him. Most men don't want to be babied and most don't want another mother. They want a wife and partner that understands and supports them through thick and thin. Learn what encourages your husband. It's an investment in him that is richly rewarded.


Does your marriage need a spark? You can create one and then fan it into a blaze with your words.

Get some monkey business going this weekend by going APE over your special man—the husband God gave you.

Intimacy Builder Game

Okay, confession time. Patty drove me to this post. You know how she is just incredibly creative and superb with those photos she comes up with?

Well, she has inspired me. Not true. She has challenged me. The girl downright double-dog dared me, without saying a word.

See, Patty and I have a lot of fun together behind the scenes and I know a little more about Patty's, er, intimate side than she reveals here. I gotta tell you, the woman is crazy.

So I'm trying my hand at coming up with some creative ideas myself. I'm rusty so it's going to take me a bit to get up to speed, but one of these days I might just take the girl ON.

Patty, you are an inspiration. This one is for you!

Intimacy Builder Game

This is a game all about developing intimacy in a fun and hopefully non-threatening way. You will need the following items to play the game, because these are ingredients that build intimacy:

~ A box of sweets (preferably chocolate)
~ A readiness to connect with your spouse
~ Words of affirmation
~ Eye contact
~ Laughter


Here's how the game works:

~ Sit on the bed Indian style, facing each other, with the chocolates in the middle.

~ Take turns saying and finishing this phrase "I like it when you ...."

~ After finishing the statement, the person speaking feeds a sweet to the other.

~ You can fill in the blank any way you wish (here's where you can get creative, and maybe let your guy know what you really want him to do, in and out of the bedroom!!)

~ Continue until you run out of sweets or...well, you know.

~ Clothes are totally optional!


Anybody up for it?! Any ideas to add to it?

Oh and Patty? You'll have to tell me what your husband thinks of this one! Off stage of course :)

Winner of the Alphabet Challenge

Wowzers! Where did the weekend go??
This post is over a day late now and it's taken me all day to write... What a, um, weird day this has been! So very unusual, for which I'm extremely thankful for! LoL, I'm thankful that days like today are not normal for me! I hate it when I'm late with posts like this, but yanno, sometimes life gets rolling and some things have to take a backseat for a day or two. And that's okay! =]

Amidst the one-of-the-last-nice-days-of-the-season chaos in my house today I've drawn a winner of our Alphabet Challenge and it's Kris of Hands, House and Heart Full! Send me your addy, Kris, and I'll drop For Women Only in the mail to you. (There's a Contact Us tab above.)

You girls came up with some WONDERFUL words!!
Here's just a few that I especially liked:

QUIXOTIC- It is ok to have a little bit of a romanticized view of things when it comes to marriage.

TASTE, TOUCH, TEASE.

UNPREDICTABLE – don’t get in too much of a routine, keep things fresh.

eXQUISITE – your body is an exquisite workmanship created by God to be enjoyed sexually within marriage.

XENOGAMY (means pollination in plants)

And those are just a couple out of FIVE PAGES of words!! You guys are amazing!! From time to time we'll be pulling out some of the words and talking about them. =]

Thanks so much for participating!
See ya Wednesday when Heidi posts with something fun...

Painter Up!

After Steve's story on Monday I thought we could use a light-hearted post today so let's do some painting! Really!

This is a good time of year to put any extra face paint you might have around your house to good use. That stuff isn't just face paint, it's body paint and your body is the canvas. It doesn't take much—just face paint, a styrofoam plate to use as a palette and a kid's paint brush. Or, if you don't have those handy, just go straight for the finger painting. No skill is necessary and the only one to see it will be your husband, so let the creativity flow and paint a surprise for your man.

Of course, the other option, which is actually better *grin*, is to provide the supplies and let your husband do the painting on you. You might be surprised by what he paints. It also might give you other ideas to try to add some zest to your love life!

A word of recommendation...
**Relax!! Don't get in a dither over where he wants to paint and what he wants to paint. Go with it and be prepared to blush and laugh. Stiffening up will just shut down the fun and that's not what we're after.

**Drop cloths. If you're worried about your sheets or your carpet, spread out an old sheet. Want to be extra cautious? Cut open a garbage bag and put it under the old sheet. If you're worried about a mess you won't be able to really relax and have fun, which is one of your goals.

**Keep tissues handy.

**Let the first color dry before applying a second. If you don't, they'll mix, which may or may not matter to either one of you, but if it matters, let the first color dry. Also, rather than applying one thick layer of paint, which may crack, apply a thin layer, let it dry, then apply another—again, if it matters. You could take that opportunity to do a little painting of your own, on your husband.

Here's a heads up...
Craft, acrylic and tempera paints are not specifically made for skin and can cause serious allergic reactions to the skin including burning, redness and irritation. Some craft paints could also stain skin, so you really want to stick with face paint. It's nontoxic,easy to use, dries quickly and washes off easily with soap and water.

Above all, relax and have fun with your husband.

Don't forget we still have the Alphabet Challenge going on and you can enter up to THREE times--just make sure to spread your comments over three days. There's still time and I'm loving the words you girls are coming up with!

Nothing Casual About Sex

"My name is Steve. I’ve been married five years and love my wife now more than ever. We have an amazing son and the news that we were expecting a baby girl made our future even brighter.

But choices I had made in my past would cloud our bright future and leave our newborn daughter fighting for her life.

At first, our daughter seemed healthy, but after a few days my wife said something about our daughter didn’t seem right. Our baby girl was sluggish and not very responsive to us. Our pediatrician said not to worry and that all babies are different. He said, “She won’t act the same way your son did.”

Then one night while my wife was holding our newborn, our baby girl stopped breathing and turned blue.

I thought my daughter was dying. Then we got a devastating diagnosis: our daughter had been born with herpes.

The casual sex I had in college left me infected with the incurable virus. Before we were married I had told my wife I had herpes so throughout our marriage we were careful only to have sex when we thought it was safe.

Yet as careful as we were, my wife still contracted the virus sometime while she was pregnant with our daughter.

My wife didn’t know that she had contracted herpes. She never had a single symptom.

The anger and guilt I felt knowing that I had passed the virus to my wife and she had passed it to my daughter was overwhelming.

As we watched our daughter struggle to stay alive, I thought, “We were so careful. How could this happen?”

It happens more easily than you think. You can catch herpes even with condom use. You can catch herpes from a partner even when they don’t have an outbreak. You can pass it on to an infant even when you don’t have an outbreak.

Herpes attacks an infant’s brain, eating through it.

Babies who survive are usually left with severe disabilities.

The virus was already eating through my daughter’s liver. We prayed her brain would not be next.

Our prayers were answered. Our daughter made a miraculous recovery.

The virus did not attack her brain. Developmentally, she is a normal 15 month old. But that can change at any minute. The virus can attack again.

It is heartbreaking to watch the painful medical procedures our daughter must undergo every month. She will never outgrow herpes. It will be a threat to my little girl’s health for the rest of her life. And it all started with the lie of casual sex.

The lie that casual sex feels great and hurts no one.

It’s the lie I was taught in high school sex-ed class. It is the lie kids are now taught in middle school sex-ed class. Some politicians want to talk to kids in kindergarten.

I’m reminded of that lie every day.

Reminded by the recent news reports that one out of every four adults in New York City has herpes, adults who think that casual sex hurts nobody because that’s what our culture tells them.

But mostly, I’m reminded of the lie of casual sex by the blisters on my daughter’s tiny fingers. Painful blisters that never seem to go away.

And I’m reminded by her fight for life.

Casual sex? See for yourself. Then ask, “What can I do to help stop the lie?”"

This is the transcript from a testimony I heard recently on Focus on the Family. I thought it was too powerful not to share. Perhaps you can help stop the lie by sharing Steve's story with someone you know.

The Alphabet Challenge

I'll admit it, I'm slow sometimes. For months now I've been using the initials AZ for Adding Zest, and I just realized something cool. If I add a hyphen in there we have A – Z, which of course sent my mind running 26 directions.

Do you think we can come up with words related to marriage and loving our husbands physically for each letter of the alphabet?

Here's what we'll do:
I have Shaunti Feldhan's book For Women Only so let's do a book giveaway! Leave a comment on this post with words related to marriage and intimacy. Let's see how many words we can come up with for each letter of the alphabet. Feel free to explain your choice of words in the comment! Everybody pitch in with a word or two (you do NOT have to cover the whole alphabet!! LoL, but if you really want to, go for it!) and I'll throw your name in the book drawing hat. I'll compile a list of all the words at the end of the challenge. Never fear, I do have a purpose for this, but let's have fun with this in the meanwhile. =]

Here's the book we're giving awawy:
For Women Only
by Shaunti Feldhahn
What's going on in a man's mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man's rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn's research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women's eyes to what the men in their life - boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sons - are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they're afraid to "freak out" the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads. This book will guide women in how to provide the loving support that modern men want and need.

The Alphabet Challenge Objective:
To get us thinking from A - Z about marriage and intimacy with our husbands.

The Alphabet Challenge Rules:
**The Challenge will end at 10 pm (CST in the USA) Sunday, October 25th.

**A random number generator will pick the winner and the winner will receive For Women Only.

**There will be only one winner and anyone can enter.

**Each person can enter up to three times, but please give me a different word with each entry, and the entries must be on different days.

**Pick a letter or two of the alphabet and think of a word that starts with that letter that has to do with marriage and/or intimacy with our husbands.

**Comments must be on this post to be entered. But please feel free to comment on the other posts! There will be at least 2-3 posts between now and the end of the challenge. =]

**Do NOT leave your email addresses in the comments!! Check back on Monday, October 26th to see if you won. I repeat: NO EMAIL ADDRESSES!! If I see one, I will delete the comment. I know that's different than most giveaways, but Adding Zest is not a usual site and I don't want your address out there for just anyone to see (and use).

**If the randomly picked winner does not contact me within a week, I will draw another winner.

I understand there will be some words repeated--that's okay! I won't 'disqualify' your entry, just tell us why you thought of that particular word and let's see how many different words we can find by working together.

To get the ball rolling here's my letters...
F - Forgiving --without forgiveness a marriage dies.
S - Sensually --let's love our husbands sensually since we are sensuous women!

So, what are your words?

It's Not a Tool

As women and wives, we have great influence with our husbands and something I see at times is wives that use sex as a controlling device. That's wrong. God gave sex as a gift. He did not give it to us as a weapon, or a means of revenge. Sure, times come when we're thoroughly disgusted with our husbands, when we think he's making the wrong choice and when we feel we just need some breathing room—those times are part of life with our human, sinful nature. But that does not mean that we can let those things stand between us and our husbands. If we do, we're building walls –walls that will eventually destroy our marriages. That not what we're to be about! We're to be building our marriage, not walls.

Many time I've heard ladies say (in person, not here at Adding Zest) that they withhold sex until they get what they want, or that they use sex as a means of getting what they want. They wait to ask for something until they've “given him what he wants.” In my opinion, that's using sex as a tool and in the process, abusing the gift God has given us.

How many times have we had a child come to us and say something like, “Mom, you're the greatest! I love you”? As moms we have a built in radar that lets us know if they're genuine or if we need to ask, “Okay, what do you want?” We don't want our husbands to develop a radar like that. After receiving a great gift, we don't want them wondering what it's going to cost him. That leads to feeling used and to resentment—two things that shouldn't be in a marriage and that will weaken it.

When we meet up with other ladies who view sex as a tool, let's speak truth to them and remind them that sex is a gift that God has given married couples, not a tool to wield against each other. I'm not talking about hitting them over the head, but rather the gentle reminder spoken in love like God's Word tells us to do.

The Magic Threshold

Today we'd like to welcome Christa Allan to Adding Zest. Christa is a friend from Exemplify and I had to laugh when I saw her title--we've ended up with two 'magic' things all in one week. It's worth it. :) And now, here's Christa...

The family room is lit by the flickering images on the television screen that no one is watching. I’m pounding away on my laptop in my little corner of the world. The husband is horizontal on the sofa, intermittently snoring but still clutching the remote. The time on my computer seems to move forward every time I hit the keyboard. Finally, when even my fingers are weary and clumsy, I shut down my writing, wake up the husband, and drag myself to the bedroom. I slip my body between the sheets, like tucking a letter into an envelope, and give myself over to sleep I’d been stalling for hours.

But just before I succumb to the weight of my exhaustion, the husband walks into the bedroom. The man who, just minutes before, had been orchestrating a sonata of snores, who had fallen asleep hours before like he’d been drugged by enemy agents, who could barely hoist himself off the sofa, was suddenly alert and energized.

He’d crossed the magic threshold.

So while my body begs for slumber, his barters for sex. Of course. He’s had a three hour evening nap during the time I’ve graded papers, attempted to write something publishable that didn’t require multiple choice answers, play unload and load the dishwasher, play telephone therapy with my adult children who are on their way home from work…

My first reaction is often mild irritation soaked in righteous indignation. The “where was this irresistible urge hours ago when you first armed yourself with the remote?” response. And, honestly, this isn’t about some caveman mentality on the husband’s part. It’s not, for him, Borg-like “resistance is futile.” He’s never pouted or whined if there’s no sex. But, for whatever reason, I’m carrying this burr of guilt because I’ve often made this about what he’s failed to do.

God, who sometimes threatens to shove me off the diving board into my own shallowness, tugged at my conscience and asked, “What are you doing to transform this into an act of love?” I HATE when He does that!

I’ve had to own that some of my laptop time isn’t always a matter of national security, and maybe the husband would nap less if I managed my time so we could cross the threshold earlier. There’s also the possibility that I could initiate a trip across the threshold before I start my computer frenzy.

The epiphany for me was my husband telling me that he doesn’t like going to bed alone. He wants to be able to hold me in his arms before we sleep. And so, he “napped” on the sofa, waiting for me to finish my work.

I have a husband who desires me. That’s the true magic. Some nights, I just have to cross the threshold first.

Christa Allan is the mother of five adult children, a grandmother of three, and a teacher of high school English. She and her husband Ken live in Abita Springs, Louisiana, where they and their three cats enjoy their time playing golf [not the cats] and dodging hurricanes. She's written for Chicken Soup, Cup of Comfort, and other anthologies. Christa contributes monthly to the ezines Afictionado and Exemplify. Her debut women's fiction, Walking on Broken Glass, will be released in February by Abingdon Press. You can visit Christa at her website: www.christaallan.com

Magic {Wiggle} Wands

Normalcy has returned to my house and to my life, and it's wonderful! But that also means that as I pass the mirror I quickly turn the other way. Why? Because part of my normal life is running around without make-up. That might not have been so bad 20 years ago, but as time has passed it's carried off the little color I had in my face, leaving me washed out. When I see myself looking washed out, I feel about as appealing as one of my old dish rags. So, my quick fix is to simply not look. I mean that takes care of it, doesn't it? :]

Pond's Angel Face Ad By saltycotton

Well, no. It's not that simple. You see, I know I look like an old dish rag, and even though I'm home all day, it affects how I feel. It just does not add to the sexy woman image who has some wiggle in her tush to catch her hubby's eye and encourage some sizzling sparks between them. In fact, it does just the opposite--it multiplies my dishrag feeling. That's not what we want. We want wiggles!

Vintage Maybelline Ad By sunset flame

Never fear! We have some magic wands at our fingertips! And those magic wands may be magic {wiggle} wands.

If you're like me, and you don't usually wear make-up because you're home all day, a good way to warm your wiggle is to pull out the mascara and put some on. I'm always amazed at how much that helps me feel more like a woman—even when I was a diaper queen. But if you don't have time for even a few swipes of mascara, try just eyeliner. It draws attention to your eyes and accents them in less than 30 seconds.

that's a man, baby! By talulahgosh

Another magic wand you probably have somewhere is for your lips. Even if it's chapstick, your lips will thank you. Wave that wand and make them kissable. You could also go for the lip gloss and add some style to your lip treatment. Remember, you're a woman, not just the resident nose wiper and cook. Lip gloss or lipstick takes even less time than mascara and chances are you don't even need a mirror to put it on. And if you're gone all day working, making one last pass at your lips before seeing you husband will help you feel and look fresher.




So there's two or three magic wands that can help you feel like a woman and add some wiggle to your tush --making them not just common magic wands, but magic {wiggle} wands!

When you feel appealing you're more likely to enjoy the attention your husband shows you and you're more likely to pursue some interest in your husband.

Go ahead and pull out those magic {wiggle} wands and show your colors!

No More Headaches

Did you know? Research shows that men have a cycle too! Sure enough, they do...except theirs is every 72 hours versus 28 or so days.

That'd have to be the pitts.

Maybe some of you are already clued in to this 72-hour cycle stuff, but it was new material for me when I listened to a Focus on the Family broadcast this week. Today I'd like to share Juli Slattery's main points of the broadcast because I found it helpful (and because I have mommy-mush-brain still and can't come up with my own creative post :)).

Juli talked about four common "Headaches" (i.e. reasons why women don't have sex) in the marriage relationship.

1. Differences between men and women

While a woman can have a higher sex drive than her spouse (and this is the case 20% of the time), generally it is the man who desires sex more frequently. This is where the man's cycle comes in. Research shows that men seek a sexual outlet every 72 hours. After this time frame, sex begins dominating the man's thoughts.

As women, we will probably never understand why this is the case. We don't have to. We just need to accept it. Men are different from us and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Your man is not some sick freak. They didn't ask for a strong sex drive; they were created with it.

The aspirin for this headache? Accept your man the way he is!


2. Great Sexpectations

Great sex doesn't just happen. Hollywood makes it look like it should be a sultry heat-packed event from even before the clothes come off. Reality check: Great sex takes some work. And we need to have realistic expectations. Since when did Hollywood start telling us the truth anyway?

We have to make sex a priority and commit to working at it. As we do, we should avoid feeling disappointment about what we have and commit instead to making it better.

The aspirin for this headache? Make the commitment to be a good lover.

3. Too Tired

Sexual intimacy requires focus and energy, which we often don't have! Everyone wants a piece of us all day long and by the end of the day, we are "pieced" out. We need to prioritize saving energy for our husbands (I'd like to know how that works!).

Loving our husbands sexually when we are tired becomes an opportunity to show Christ's power in us by doing something we cannot do on our own. By inviting the Holy Spirit into this aspect of our lives we can experience His enablement when we are at our human limits.

The aspirin for this headache? Get out a calendar and schedule time to together. Ask God to give divine enablement when you are pieced out.

4. Loose Boundaries

A good marriage has special bonds. These are secret things between the man and woman with no company allowed. The marriage bed is one of those bonds, which means there should not be outside images brought into the sexual relationship.

Protect your marriage bed from the foolishness of the world. Instead, have a sacred place for just the two of you and guard it with all you have!

The aspirin for this headache? Get rid of pornography. Pray for a bond and for purity to be restored to your sexual relationship.

Juli is the author of the book "No More Headaches" (shown above) if you are interested in more.