Posts
“ When a man takes a new wife, he is not to go out with the army or be given any business or work duties. He gets one year off simply to be at home making his wife happy.”
How does that verse sound to you? Pretty good, right? When I read this, I found myself shaking my head because I realized that in this day and age, nothing even remotely like this is ever done. But I can think of nothing that would cement a new marriage more. One whole year to do nothing else but for a husband to get to know his wife. Wow.
This made me think of how I live my life with my family. Years ago, we decided that we would not be a family on wheels. When our son was young and in Christian school, we felt a lot of pressure to go, go, go! Get him involved in soccer! No, get him involved in drama…hiking…karate…you name it, we were always considering if we should do more. The guilt to be a family on the go was enormous.
But one day I sat down and thought about my childhood. Going somewhere was a treat. Doing something other than playing outside from the time we got off the bus until dark was unusual. And I realized that my childhood felt very full. I didn’t have soccer, or drama (except once a year for the church Christmas play), and yet, I never felt cheated. Somehow, childhood was still fun and fulfilling. So why pack the day full of events for my son? I knew that for myself, being rushed from morning to night left me feeling drained and stressed. We talked it over as a family and decided to live a simpler and homier life. And we have.
Our son is nearing 18, and we have no regrets about our decision to slow down and live quietly. We decided to homeschool and our day is scheduled to suit us. It is wonderful! That doesn’t mean that we don’t have times when we have obligations or events to handle, but knowing that it’s okay to say “no” to things we have a marginal interest in has freed us.
In marriage, it’s important to make a similar decision. Decide together that it’s okay not to be the couple that is always on the go…on fire…traveling to exotic places…volunteering every waking hour. It’s nice to decide to spend time just being together. I love going to the grocery alone with my hubby. He holds my hand in the parking lot…opens the doors for me…and we laugh about silly things. We take more time looking at weird foods we would normally not buy and sometimes we buy them. But the simple pleasure of just being together gives me great joy.
Ahhh…how nice it would be have a whole year off to be together with no obligations or worries, but since that isn’t possible anymore (and maybe not all it’s cracked up to be, gals. Think: retirement—him home ALL the time!), it’s still lovely to take a simpler route once in a while. One Sunday evening, we decided to go out to a restaurant to get dessert. No dinner. No veggies. No nutritional value whatsoever, but how fun it was to do something out of the ordinary but soooo simple. We connected. So for me and my house: viva la simple life!
11 Zesters spoke up:
This was our choice as well. I have two who are 13 and almost 16 and we took them out of sports when they were much younger. We still get funny looks at times, especially since we also homeschool, but what being in those sport leagues was teaching our children was not what we wanted fostered. From attitudes on the field, to priority of the family, it just made sense for us to step back from that. Our life is still very full, crazy some days, but the simplicity of choosing family first has been a great blessing.
I remember reading that verse and thinking wow too! Key words staying home to make her happy! If that was his daily objective every day for a year I would love it. Boy would I hate the year to come to an end. But we live in reality, yes but that should be our focus anyway right? For each other too, not just one sided. I get wrapped up in "What is hubby going to do to make me happy after all I do for everyone in the family?" Wow what a lesson learned thank you!
This is so true! Thanks for the reminder that it's ok (maybe even better) to not be involved in every little activity. Take time to be a family and enjoy friends.
Also, my husband was off work from October to December and let me tell you it was a hard adjustment for me. He was impeding on "my routine." It took many days to learn how to function with always having him around, but we learned so much about each other and our marriage during those months. We learned how to enjoy one another's favorite activities and how incredible it is to constantly be wanting to please the other one. "Servant wars" have great benefits. :)
Oh my goodness-what a wonderful post!! You are so right--and I'm really glad you shared this because (especially today) I needed a reminder!!
This was a very good post today. My husband lost his job just after we married. We ended up having a "two month honeymoon". It was wonderful. Now with six children trying to find time for just us is a challenge but one that we regularly take up. So often "simple" takes less work and is just as fun as something that takes more planning.
I don't remember reading that verse before, but as soon as I read it again I thought of our youth pastor. He left his job as our youth pastor shortly before his marriage so he could get a less demanding job and focus on his wife for the year. I thought that was a great idea, although we were sad to lose him. My children are 5 and 1 and I am in the midst of figuring out what to let my children join. My husband is leaning more toward getting our oldest to join sports because he felt like his involvement in sports in high school kept him busy so he didn't feel like he needed to get into the drug/drinking scene. We are still figuring things out for us, but for this year we opted out of sports.
we have a similar philosophy. We prefer to be home than out and about.
dessert sounds great.
We're definitely low-key when it comes to being involved in stuff in our community. But we LOVE to travel. We love the adventure of driving together (and hopefully flying someday!) to new places, to meet new people and to see the world God created. It's been a huge bonding experience for our family.
Hi, Dee! This sounds familiar. We went through some of these same experiences with our kids. Learning to slow down with hubs seems even more challenging to me sometimes. Thanks for reminding me that our marriage is worth the effort.
This "semester" both schoolage (homeschooled) children chose to do both choir and dance. I found it very overwhelming to be out two days a week. We love to leave our schedule empty so we can do spontaneous fun. I don't like having to plan around regularly scheduled events. After reading this post, I am going to talk to dh about having the girls choose only one activity per semester / year.
On the marriage front - I agree. My dh did have most of our first year off. His job was landscaping which here is seasonal. We also had a baby in that year. Then last year he was off 11 of the 12 months. We have had some great bonding time!
Dee, this is just what the Lord has given my husband and me... He lost his job almost a year ago, and will begin a new one this week. But in the mean time, we had 10 months of precious time together. We both tried hard to find work in this inbetween time, and the Lord would not allow it. Instead, He provided for us and gave us a year to refocus on our home and marriage and family.
It wasn't what we would have planned, and there wasn't money to stay on the go... but God drew us back together during this simpler time of life, and we will be forever grateful.
Blessings to you...
Jennifer
Post a Comment