Electrify My Bed

A few days of sunshine and my face is so speckled I don’t recognize myself in the mirror; however, the effects of the sun reach deep, changing more than my skin’s surface. I suddenly find myself doing silly things like jumping rope and leaving unsigned notes on the front seat of a certain man’s Jeep. Spring Fever has taken root.

With the pockets of my sweatshirt stuffed with tissues, an asthma inhaler, and cell phone, I searched the kitchen for my dog’s leash. My eyes lighted on the silver links just as an image of my husband filtered through my mind. He was working on a house in our town and I knew the road. Without much thought I grabbed a pen and snatched a piece of loose-leaf paper my daughter uses to practice her spelling words. I then scribbled a little message, folded up the paper and added it to the growing pile of junk in my pocket. I grabbed the dog, took a deep breath, and headed out for a walk.

That sounds simple, but in reality it’s kind of like one of those cartoons where you see the leashed dog running wildly down the road with a harried woman floating in the air a few feet behind, terrified to release the leash. I am that woman.

As soon as I rounded the corner onto the street where my husband was working, I noticed his vehicle. Stealthily I opened the driver’s side front door and the dog jumped in and wouldn’t come out. This is partly because she’s now worn out from our psychotic run, but mostly because I walked into the road and she’s terrified of moving traffic ever since her near death experience on the side of a van.

Finally I coax her out, unfold the note, and lay it out on the seat. Slamming the creaking door, we took off at a run. I’m sure the Mrs. Cravitz’s of the neighborhood were certain I just stole toll change from the cupholder, but as long my husband didn’t see us, we were good.

My note said something like…

I am looking for an electrician to put an outlet in my living room,
hang a chandelier in my dining room,
and electrify my bed.

We’ve been married for twelve years and I’ve left him thousands of notes. Unfortunately, they usually have words like “pick up milk”, “please stop for bread on your way home,” and “don’t forget the kitchen pipe burst and flooded the first floor.” But still, he should recognize the handwriting. Shouldn’t he?

Apparently not. He skimmed the first two lines of the note, saw ‘outlets’ and ‘chandelier’, immediately stopped reading and searched for a phone number. When he couldn’t locate a number, he stopped to reread and began having heart palpitations.

Self-consciously he looked over his shoulder, up and down the street, and panicked. He said he felt like Joseph working in Potipher’s house and thought, “I’d better tell Tricia before she kills me.”

So he hopped in the car and swung by the house. Only I wasn’t there and the dog was missing too. Realization dawned and my phone began to ring. He’s so easy to fool!

In Proverbs chapter seven, we meet the harlot whose husband is away on business. She has taken to the streets to seduce strange men. Here’s what the Bible says:

Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner. So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. Proverbs 7:12-18

This harlot should have been decking out her bed for her husband, but instead she took what God intended for good and used it for evil.

My recommendation for you this week…
Lurk in the streets for your husband. Leave him an unsigned note and make sure he doesn’t recognize your handwriting. He’ll get a kick out of it and you may enjoy some fringe benefits too. Let him know in an unusual way that he is special to you. Tell him that you can’t wait to get him into your bedecked bed.