Spice It Up: On Sex and Writing

I’ve been participating in a book club discussion with some bloggy friends. A few of us writerly types get together over here every Monday to discuss Julia Cameron’s The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life. It has been fun and inspiring, and the joy I feel in the knowledge that I am working toward improving something I really care about is tangible. It makes me want to write.

I mention this because I believe the same is true for intimacy. When we pay attention to what is going on in our sex lives, when we seek to grow in that part of our marriage…it can be very exciting.

As I was settling in to the first chapter of The Right to Write, I ran across a quote that brought to mind all you Zesters.

The first trick, the one I am practicing now, is to just start where you are…

I think Julia Cameron is on to something. About more than just writing, I mean. Every journey begins where we are.

And so, as we begin our Spice It Up journey, we will be starting with little ‘ol you, right where you are.

Our first bedroom challenge is a two-part challenge. And it doesn’t really start in the bedroom. It starts where you are.

Part one:

If you keep a journal, write these questions down:

• What makes me feel sexy?
• What reasons/excuses most often keep me from having sex?

Now answer the questions.

If you don’t keep a journal, might you consider beginning this valuable practice? We will be reflecting on various questions and thoughts as we travel this journey together. It will be beneficial to look back on your thoughts as we go along. If you don’t journal, no worries; it’s not necessary. Just spend some time considering the questions.

Our challenge this month is to heighten our awareness of our own sensuality. The above questions are designed to help us see what barriers keep us from feeling sexy and awaken our awareness of what fosters that feeling. If you struggle with “feeling sexy”, ask yourself, what makes me feel loved?

Part Two:

At least once a week (and more often if you can!) this month, treat yourself to something that makes you feel sexy. Hopefully, you were able to list more than one thing.

What is it that makes you feel sexy? Is it a long soak in a tub of scented water? A manicure? Massage? A new pair of sexy undies?

There is so much I could say about starting here, ladies. How our sexuality is deeply connected to our self-image. How, before we can give ourselves completely we must value what we offer. And so on. This little exercise cannot change a lifetime of thought patterns, but it can be a first step in loving ourselves and enjoying feeling desirable.

So make that list!

These things don’t have to be costly. It doesn’t matter what you choose, as long as it makes you feel sexy and/or cherished.

What happens next is up to you.

If you like, stop back by and share your thoughts. We would love to hear them.

Oh, and happy May…

photo by Laura