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It’s time for our second month of Adding Spice, Ladies!
Did you do it? Did you discover what made you feel sexy? If you missed last month’s assignments, visit this post and start from there.
It’s a luxury to be in the mood to write. It’s a blessing but it’s not a necessity. Writing is like breathing, it’s possible to learn to do it well, but the point is to do it no matter what.
Do it no matter what.
So here’s the challenge. The first week is baseline week. In your journal, record how often you have sex. The second week, try to double that number.
Now, if your baseline is three or more times a week…you go, girl! Celebrate! If you are up to increasing that, more power to you! Just remember that our goal is to grow in satisfaction and intimacy in our marriages--not win Olympic gold :).
If doubling your frequency is too difficult, then just try to increase your total by one each week. Journal your thoughts and emotions some time afterwards (not immediately please).
Here’s where last month’s challenge will help. Being in the mood may be a luxury, but it is also something you have some control over. Before getting amorous, look over your list of what makes you feel sexy. Try to do one of those activities to help get you in the mood. It may be taking a scented bath, or using special oils. It may be wearing something special. Try to find something you can do quickly. Ask your husband for a few minutes to yourself and prepare yourself in this way.
He won’t mind waiting.
6 Zesters spoke up:
Oh this is hard for me. I know he wants it, thats not the problem. But he works such a long and physically exhausting job that when he gets home hes just tired. That leaves us the weekend, when he takes full advantage. Is there a way though for us during the week?
Angela, during the winter, my husband's hours are miserable. We hardly see him! If he's not at work, he's sleeping, and sometimes he's not even able to come home to sleep. I chose to (and he encouraged) take on the aggressor role. Even though he was tired, he appreciated it. I think we have to remember that every time doesn't have to be an hour long or drawn out. "Quickies" are good too.
Just my experience.
I'm in the last few weeks of pregnancy; I'm BIG. I'm tired. And it is just hard to do. But this is a challenge I'm up for. I could probably do the three times a week (if we don't already). I never thought to journal about it. I'll be thinking about this more.
You girls are amazing. Just remember not to stress. If your man is unavailable, or there are other barriers, focus on the time you do have. Try to work on quality if quantity is not possible.
I love what L. says about quickies. I think the thing to keep in mind is we are trying to improve intimacy. One thing I have found to help is to talk about your sex life together. No matter how tired hubs is, this always seems to stir things up :) Connecting in every way is important.
Let us know how it goes!
Angela,
My husband is also very tired during the weekdays. Besides the great advice above, I recently discovered something new. Every once in a while let him lie on his back while you get things started. Focus on pleasing him with everything you've got. It's relaxing for him, and when he's ready he will have the energy to finish the deal. ;)I know my husband appreciated it!
Sex has been very stressful for us lately. I'm not responding the way I'd like to, and that frustrates my husband. Plus, his work schedule keeps us from going to sleep or waking up together which makes connecting hard.
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