I Am So Mad at You...Don't Touch Me!

Let’s be honest. Marriage takes work. And some days, I feel so tired and worn out, if my husband even looks at me wrong I snap at him. When those days come, where everything he does makes me grind my teeth, romance is not in the room, it’s not even in the house. Not even in the town. Or state. Or world. Romance feels like it never existed.

The only kind of touch I want is a hug accompanied by an apology, but since he is usually just as angry as I am, that isn’t going to happen. I tend to let it all out and then stew a bit. I tell him what’s wrong and then go pout for a while. But I can’t stand to have turmoil between us for more than an hour or two. Once that time has passed, I’m miserable if the air is still chilly between us.

So, I sit in my chair, frowning, and glance at him from time to time. He looks so…so…calm! How can he be in turmoil (as he claims) when he looks like THAT? I fume a bit more. I turn the pages of my book or magazine with force. Glance over at him. Nothing. After a few minutes of this, I get tired. It’s too much effort to maintain the mad, especially when I don’t even get a response or a sigh. What to do?

It’s usually about this time when Jesus starts to speak to me. Ever so gently He reminds me of how I really should turn the other cheek…you know what I mean. I can usually ignore His voice for a few minutes more, but soon I have to get it over with. I have to make peace. And that is hard to do...until I look at my hubby’s face. Really look.

I notice first the laugh lines around his eyes. I remember when he laughed with me and how his chuckle made my day. I look at his eyebrows and see the white hairs starting to make their appearance and I think of how hard he works everyday. Not physical labor but labor to find jobs for people with mental illness. That’s hard work in this economy. He is faithful to them, too.

Then, and this is the killer, I think of his mom. Would she want me to be mad at him like this? As a mom of a son myself, it would tear my heart out to know his spouse was treating him coldly. That melts me every time. I’m not saying I give up the mad right away, but thinking of her makes me more receptive to take the first move toward peace. Here’s the good part: once I move to kiss him, he always smiles and gives in, too. He never rejects me. And isn’t it funny? I suddenly forget that romance was no where in sight just a few minutes ago. It only takes a soft heart for romance to reappear. Now that’s love!