What do you bring to the table?

Over the years I have been privy to lots and lots of marital complaints, husbands complaining about their wives, wives complaining about their husbands. It’s never ending.

She never… He always… If only she would… If only he hadn’t….

So guys have you ever said any of these things about your wife? Do you have a list of she doesn’t, she won’t, if only? If so, then my question is this? What do you bring to the table?

In all fairness, if you are going to make statements like she never or she always, or if only she would… then what do you always do, OR never do? Are you always too busy? Are you always harassing her about sex? Are you never available to help out with the house or the kids? Where do YOU find yourself in all of this? What is her “if only he would…”? These things are a big deal to your wife. A very big deal! And I think they ought to be a big deal to you.

As I said before, great sex starts with the man because your wife looks to you to take the lead. And I challenge you to take the lead in this area. Will you stand ready to take the first steps towards change? If you want to move towards a healthy marriage, and a passionate and satisfying sex life, you as the husband should really begin to value the same things your wife values. If you don’t know what she values, then find out. The way you do that is to just ask. Ask her what you can do to make things better for her. Ask her to tell you very specifically what issues frustrate her most. Just ask her. I’m almost positive she will tell you precisely what is on her mind!

With that said, I encourage you to be prepared to receive this information as positively as possible. Receive it with graciousness and appreciation. Now, depending upon the circumstances in your relationship, you may get quite an earful. Be ready. Please don’t become defensive, and don’t get upset with her and turn it into an opportunity to bash her for all the things she doesn’t do. Be open, receptive, and content to hear all that she has to say. Simple, right? Not hardly. The next step is not going to be easy. But someone has to start, and I am challenging you as the husband to take the first step, and then go the distance.

So, begin to do those things she shared. Pick one or two areas of focus, and begin there. Be genuine in your efforts, and diligent in your follow through. I cannot tell you how many wives have expressed to me their frustration over this very issue. On a practical level, they ask their husbands to help out with the kids, or pick up some of the slack around the house. On an emotional level, they ask for quality time, affirmation, appreciation. On a physical level, they ask for affection, attentiveness. On a sexual level, they ask to be romanced, pursued, and desired. Sadly, often times they ask repeatedly. And repeatedly their requests go unheard and unanswered. Don’t be that guy. You want to be the man that hears what his wife needs and desperately wants, and gives it to her.

Just so we’re clear, I realize that everything that I’ve said here is good for both husband and wife. I get that. But I’m challenging you, the MAN of the house, to take the lead on this one. I truly believe that if you will take the first step and set the example, then she will follow. This is your role! You were created for it. Do it and do it well. You will benefit from it. You really will.