How to Reject Feelings of Failure

I'm a literal person. When someone tells me they are coming to pick me up at noon, well guess what time I expect them? Noon. I'm only now realizing this about me and embracing it.

For years, I let being literal and the consequences wreak havoc on our marriage.

After our first season of infertility I struggled as a high risk pregnant woman with hormones. I saw my peers smile through swollen feet and people asking if they were expecting twins. I wanted to glow, I wanted to smile.

I read the "What to Expect" books and was sure once I had the baby in my arms, I'd be full of joy. The books told me that during labor when I announced I couldn't take it anymore, I was entering the transition period of labor. This stage of labor is marked by, according to the book I was taking literally, 20-45 minutes of hard labor followed by sweet, glorious birth.

My life was nothing like the books.

My transition period was over 3 hours before an emergency c-section. When they placed my baby in my hands, they also showed me my chart. Failure to progress.

That statement wasn't in any book I read.

I spent the next year living like the word I read: failure.

Wives, if the baby blues or any form of depression is keeping you captive, here is a key to set yourself free.

Freedom in Jesus Christ.

Don't be an island and hide, I tried that and it was no paradise for anyone.

I felt so much shame and guilt for not being a happy wife and mom that it festered. Our marriage took a hit, and you can bet how I felt in the bedroom. The c section chart that read failure to progress stalked me through the first year of motherhood and every aspect of being a wife. If I was a failure in delivery, I believed I was a failure everywhere.

Especially the bedroom.

My husband and I met with our pastor who was also an EMT and chaplain for a local fire department. He not only explained to both of us that I was probably going through a tough case of depression. He took me back to when I was pregnant and had a car accident that nearly totaled our new van and should have killed me. Our pastor explained post traumatic stress and the baby blues. He gave us a video to watch on depression as well as Bible verses to look up. Most of all, he gave great advice.

He encouraged me to not isolate myself, but to share my feelings with my husband, especially when I was struggling. He doesn't have to fix me, just have a gauge of how I'm feeling. When I ran upstairs and hid, it didn't help anyone.

My husband also incorporated words of affirmation into daily life so I felt encouraged. It gave me confidence and when the day came that I felt like going into the bedroom for something other than folding laundry, I was ready.

Don't let the blues take you down. Go to Jesus and ask for His healing power and wisdom. You and your husband are worth it!

This summer I'm researching experiences that involve words that end in "-ion". I could use your help. Would you mind taking less than two minutes to fill out an anonymous survey? My goal is to write a book that helps readers reject lies they are believing and embrace the truth. I appreciate your help! http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/HKQLB3H

http://www.juliearduini.com

Surrendering the good, the bad, and---maybe one day---the chocolate