Sex Begins in the Kitchen

When you write for Adding Zest to Your Nest, you are practically required by the top secret electronic zesty code of investigative blogging to read an article with the title of “5 Reasons to Hate Sex Less” that was posted on a recent email I received from momlogic.

The post was written by Carin Goldstein of Be the Smart Wife, a blog I knew I’d love simply by its subtitle: How to take care of yourself and your marriage without killing your husband. Carin is a wife, mother of two, and Marriage and Family Therapist. And funny. And in videos that are less than three minutes.

You can find her post here and do read it because it is SO worthwhile.

And while I laughed at and was totally hooked by the title, the very fact that it accomplished both those responses saddened me. Because, of course, it suggests by default that the reasons won’t necessarily lead women to love sex, but simply to not hate it as much. Now, please understand that I am definitely not calling Carin out on this. She merely latched on to something that she knew would be relatable for many women.

Clearly, within the scope of this blog post and my IQ, there’s not enough time or letters of the alphabet following my name to examine the love/hate relationship among men and women regarding sex. But there are a few things that Carin’s post brought to mind.

1. If Eve had said, “Are you kidding? You want to do what?” most of her post-fall nights, I’m not entirely sure we’d all be here to have this conversation.

2. Sex begins in the kitchen, not in the bedroom. And, no, I’m not speaking of the man as microwave, woman as crock pot analogy here. I’m speaking of how we are in relationship to one another outside of the bedroom is going to influence what happens in the bedroom.

I’m the mother of five, so I get that every meal is not a candlelight experience (unless it’s hurricane season). Some nights just getting something that resembles food on the table is exhausting enough.

But a touch on the back, a shoulder squeeze, or a whisper of a kiss on the forehead even during what I used to lovingly refer to as “the arsenic hour” all speak volumes. If you do more than that, you risk ruining your children’s appetites. Which comes in handy on those nights you want them out of the kitchen in a hurry. Otherwise, save the heavy stuff until later.

3. Our most important sexual organ is…envelope please…our brain. Now, while men tend toward one thought at a time…dinner, remote, sex. Women’s thoughts are at the circus. Riding on the highs and lows of roller coasters, crashing into one another like bumper cars, and reflecting as wacky out-of-proportion funny mirrored things. It’s difficult to summon a sultry smile when the husband suggests a bubble bath when the brain is looping from one thought to another, none of which involve water sports.

Honestly, I’m not sure many men understand that our brains need more time than it takes to flick the off button on the remote to feel sexy. So, if yours is one of those, as was mine, explain you need some unwind time. I promise he’ll be thrilled to provide it when he knows the payoff.

And, maybe this will provide some hope for the future: when the kids are gone, sex really can begin in the kitchen.