From Someone Who's Been There

At age 44, my mom gave me The Talk. I was 44, not her.

By then, I'd been married for 24 years; but it was time I faced up to some unsettling facts of life. Fact #1: Despite a valiant struggle by a worthy dentist, several of my teeth needed to go. Fact #2: That would have an impact on sex.

Eddie and I had a good thing going. I didn't want a mushy mouth putting a damper on things. But who to go to for advice? All of my women friends either still had all their teeth, or appliances that give that impression. I knew Mom wore dentures, so I took a big breath, and I asked.

It was awkward. Mom's a free spirit. She tells it like it is. Last year, at age 80, while coming out of anesthesia from gall bladder surgery, she got downright bawdy. So I approached the subject carefully. I prefaced my question with, “Remembering you're my mother, and without going into details. . . ”

Mom assured me that I could make love without teeth. She was right. Turns out, teeth aren't the major players in sex.

We come into marriage without a clue. Well, some clue, but a lot to learn. Learning together draws us closer. It's rewarding, thrilling, and fun. But as much as we learned together over the years, Eddie couldn't tell me about sex with missing teeth. I needed to hear it from someone who'd been there.

In Titus 2, God tells us that the older folks should teach the younger folks. Men teach the guys. Women teach the gals. It's a simple concept, really. We need someone who's been there.

(Fringe Girl wrote a good word about the Seasons of Sex.)

In the early years of marriage, lovemaking both delighted and challenged us. The biggest battle waged in the mind, and we had as much to un-learn as we did to learn. Then came pregnancies, breastfeeding, and parenting. Each year brought new obstacles to conquer and explore.

Just when I thought we had it, and I became confident enough to write about it, new snags came up. Like the thing with the teeth. And peri-menopause.

My mom still skinny dips with a missing breast--the evidence of her victory over cancer. She loves life, loves her body, and loves my dad. I love her example.

I know Mom won't always be around. I also know that, God willing, my husband and I will face the many challenges of declining health that accompany old age, and those challenges will affect our sex life.

As we need it, we'll seek advice from those more experienced than ourselves. And as we are able, we'll share what we've learned with the newbies.

Tamma