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WARNING: EXPLICIT Let's face it, we women all have days when we just don't want to be touched. Menstruation, pregnancy, fatigue, and psychological issues all play into it. It's not that we don't love and desire our husbands, but we'd rather not be handled sometimes.
Our husbands, however, do not menstruate, nor do they get pregnant. They have very few don't-touch-me days. Personally, I don't believe that men have a Biblical right to demand sex of their wives anytime they feel like it, like some people teach. I believe men have a duty to practice selflessness, just as do women. But I also believe that as wives, we can practice selflessness by accommodating our husband's sexual needs. Maybe it doesn't hurt them to wait until we're ready; but it doesn't hurt us to give a little, either. So, on those days when you just don't want to be touched, I've got two words for my fellow wives: hand job.
It may feel strange for you to pleasure your husband with your hands at first. You may feel as if you're not really a part of the picture, as if your husband is using you to masturbate. That happens when you emotionally check out. There's nothing wrong with a quick release, but the attitude behind it should be loving, playful, fun. If you're going to do it, do it with your heart, not grudgingly, and it won't feel strange at all.
Instead of giving your husband a hand, like another chore on your to-do list, use those don't-touch-me days to perfect the art of a loving hand job.
Take off your rings and bracelets, and smooth your nails with an Emory board. Rub hand lotion into your hands. While you're preparing, think about the pleasure your husband will feel. Imagine his face. Encourage your husband to lay back and relax. Leave the lights on, so you can both see. Keep a lubricant nearby. Get into a comfortable position, and stroke his whole body slowly. Take your time. Ask him to wrap his hands over yours, and guide you in how he likes to be touched. Talk to him. Tell him how good he looks, how you like to please him, how much you love him. If he reaches for you, and you'd rather stay at arm's length, gently remind him that this time is just for him.
Tamma
Tamma's Song
5 Zesters spoke up:
This has become a big thing in my marriage because having two little ones and pregnant with my third lets face it I have more days then not that are don't-touch-me days. Learning to to this for my husband helps make sure he doesn't start looking somewhere else for the release that he needs and it keep us close even though I am having a hard time with the sex part of our relationship.
Great advice, I totally agree. Thanks for sharing candidly!
Great post! I actually almost emailed you all about this topic a few days ago except I was curious about those "don't touch me weeks" or months! lol
Making the choice to set aside selfishness and put your husband first always brings a closeness to the relationship and therefore a blessing... make it a fun time together!
Thank you all for reading, and for adding your comments.
CollegeSAHM- I've been there. I enjoyed that season of life; but now that the kids are older, I can spend more skin-to-skin time with hubby. To everything, there is a season. :)
Jules- I understand. I've had some "don't touch me" weeks and months, too, over the years. Thankfully, with patience and selflessness on both sides, we get through.
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