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They say spontaneity is the spice of life. To which I say yes, but... if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
Both are true when it comes to sex and romance. Spontaneity is the spice and planning ensures there isn't a colossal break-down.
So let's talk about planning.
As un-romantic as it sounds it is actually very helpful. I've been married 17 years and there have been certain seasons, um...I'm in one right now with 3 kids under 3 years of age...when I need to prepare my mind, heart, and body for intimacy with my man.
Especially as mommies of young children, we can easily feel like our touch quotient is MAXed out every day and we just don't have anything left to give. Planning has helped me tremendously in making sure I reserve my husband some of the prime stuff, not just whatever leftovers I can come up with.
This is how I do it, and I'd love to hear your ideas as well:
~~I talk to my husband about it. Yeah, this is the worst part, because it seems so mechanical and un-romantic and all that jazz. But we have been together long enough to move past the yuckies.
~~We look at our schedules and pick a day and time that works best for both of us. This becomes our weekly time for intimacy. Anything else that happens between scheduled times is icing on the cake.
~~We both work towards making this time meaningful. For example, I know that on this day I will need a good quiet time and some down time to get ready, so I enlist some help (often it is my husband who helps with the kids since we don't live near friends and family.)
~~We make this a top priority and stick with it!
Having a set day is helpful for both my husband and myself. Neither of us feel deprived or guilty and we are both demonstrating our commitment to each other.
If you are in one of those mommy seasons, a busy season, or just a season of low-motivation, consider the planning method. Your man will love the fact that you are committed to keeping sexual intimacy a priority.
Because in the long run, being sexually committed to our spouse is more important than being a tiger in bed every night.
2 Zesters spoke up:
I think posts like this are especially necessary for moms of young children to remember...not only to be reminded that we ALL struggle with this but to be reassured that we are not alone in our struggles. One thing that has helped my husband and I who have 5 children 6 years and under is for my husband to give me a heads up as early in the day as he can that he would like some intimacy. This has helped me better plan my day to meet his (and my) needs. If I'm especially tired that day then I try to get a nap in when the kids are napping. I also make sure that I get as much done before he comes home so I can better prepare my mind and body for that evening. Having him understand that I'm busy and feel pulled in too many different directions most days has been a blessing to me as well. Someday we will have the freedom to be as spontaneous as we want but for now that is not our season and this is what works for us...and we're both very happy.
I'd just been pondering this lately, thank you for posting your thoughts and suggestions on the matter, very helpful!
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