When You're Angry Part 2: I Almost Trust You

In my last post, I talked about what to do when you're genuinely mad at your husband, but he still wants sex.
[Click here to read Part 1]

Unfortunately, I have experience in this area. My husband and I are both youngest children and both spoiled rotten, so we both expect to get our own way most of the time. As you might imagine, that doesn't work.

In my experience, one night of sleeping on the couch isn't a catastrophe. We'll work it out. The problem is when we don't work it out. What should we wives do when the thing that caused the argument in the first place continues for days, months, even years?

I don't mean real abuse. If you or your children are in danger, tell someone. Get help. I'm talking about run-of-the-mill, ongoing, “my-husband's-an insensitive-dolt” types of issues.

(And yes, I'm aware that wives misbehave just as often as husbands. Eddie puts up with more than his share of insensitivity. But that's not where I'm coming from in this post.)

Do not let the sun go down on your wrath

Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

I've heard people say this means never going to bed angry, staying up to work things out. But some issues aren't going to get fixed overnight. Staying up, arguing, crying, trying to hash it out, won't keep the sun from setting.

I'm no theologian, but here's how I see it:

Years ago, our youth pastor mentioned that he needed a haircut. “I'll do it!” I said. He looked me in the eyes. Several seconds went by. “You know. . .” he said, “I almost trust you.” This man trusted me with groups of girls as a camp counselor, with the addresses and phone numbers of all of our youth, and with keys to the church. But not with his hair. Was he that conceited about his looks? No. I showed competence with kids, but not with hair cutting. It was a wise choice.

My hubby similarly proved trustworthy in some areas of our marriage, and not trustworthy in others. I learned to keep up my guard in specific matters.

During sex, however, I accept my husband fully, and he can trust me fully. It's safe and good to let down the walls emotionally and spiritually when our bodies unite. It keeps those other matters from overwhelming our relationship.

By choosing to trust one another for a good sexual experience, we don't let the sun go down on our wrath, and we don't give place to the devil. That doesn't mean other issues go away. We can still protect those other areas that need more vigilance. But we can deal with those issues outside of the bedroom.

“. . .be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16

Tamma