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While discussing post traumatic stress disorder and the long-lasting effects of childhood sexual abuse, my husband asked me, “How did you overcome it?” The question took me aback. I had almost forgotten. It seems a lifetime ago, but in the early years of our marriage, sexual intimacy was difficult for me. Sometimes I couldn't bear it at all. I felt guilty when I pushed my husband away and angry when I didn't. Sometimes out of nowhere, vivid sensory memories interrupted my peace and stopped me cold. Frequent nightmares made me afraid to sleep. Rage seemed to always simmer just below the surface.
How did I overcome it? It wasn't one thing. I prayed. I wrote. I went to therapy. I sketched. I forgave my abuser, and shared Jesus with him. Then I agreed to testify against him, because forgiveness is different from letting an abuser continue to abuse.
When horrific memories took over my senses, causing me to feel and hear past abuse, I stomped my foot to jolt my body back to the present. When my mind wandered, I focused on my husband's face and talked to him.
At some point that got lost in the busyness of life, I moved on.
When I was still suffering from PTSD symptoms, I couldn't imagine ever feeling free with my husband. Now the trauma gives me understanding, but cannot hurt me. I no longer have to whisper, looking down with my hand over my mouth, when I speak of the years of sexual assaults. I can say it out loud, making eye contact, without hesitation. I can also forget about it for months or years at a time. Now I enjoy my husband's love with my whole body, heart and mind.
I share this with a prayer for those of you who still suffer as a result of sexual abuse. There's no easy answer. Everyone has a different experience, and some suffer longer than others. Take heart. You survived for a purpose. God himself will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
1 Peter 5:6-11, NIV
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7 Zesters spoke up:
Hi! I admire you for being so strong and you have overcome your childhood sexual abuse.
I'm still affected today and still struggling in overcoming my past hurt in my childhood days. I was also a victim of child molestation. My parents didn't know about it. My close relatives were my abusers and nobody in my family have some knowledge about it.
Once in a while, the shadow of the past still haunting me and the only consolation I have in mind is thinking that God loves me unconditionally.
Thanks God I have found your site. It helps me a lot.
(((Cathie))) That's a cyber-hug for you. I'm so sorry you suffer from this, too. I have the same story--abused by relatives, and my parents didn't know until later.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. The more people who come forward with their stories, the more survivors will realize that this is not their shame. It is a shame to the abuser, not the victim.
May you and your husband patiently endure this season of healing in your life and may you find joy in the day-to-day of living.
Thank you Tamma. You have put how I feel into words that I have not been able to say. However, I've always known that some of my sexual inhibitants were a result of sexual abuse. I too would think that I couldn't ever say no, and then when I did say no I felt bad and wondered if I'd "Messed up."
I still suffer from nightmares, vivid daytime flashbacks, and some low self-esteem, but my husband is patient and expresses that he understands.
smooches,
Larie
@tamma: thanks for the hug. I do really appreciate it.
I'm still single right now and I have fear to tell to a man what I've been through. I am afraid that someone will not understand me.
Cathie--I can understand that. God bless you.
Larie- You're blessed to have a patient husband. My Eddie has always been kind and understanding about this, too, thankfully. Good for our men, stepping up to the challenge! Let's you and me blow our hubbies a kiss.
I'm sorry to hear that you're still suffering effects. What an evil sin sexual abuse is, especially the abuse of children! It's so destructive. The enemy is out to destroy our families, and the foundation of the family is the marriage.
I pray for you and for all the Zesters out there still suffering from sexual trauma. May God heal you completely, and strengthen you and your home.
Hi!
I am also a survival from childhood seual abuse. As you said, to overcome it it is not one thing only. In my case, therapy, love... I suffered a lot because I would like to prevent itto happen to my 5 years-old child and I end up writing the first children book against child sexual abuse in my country, Brazil. It is called SEGREDO SEGREDISSIMO and it is recommended by educators to be used at schools with kids from 5 to 11 years-old. I would like you to know it by clicling in the link below http://labouchedumonde.blogspot.com/2011/04/livre-sur-la-pedophilie-destine-aux.html. The text is in French, most are in Portuguese if you search it in Google.
Odivia, That is awesome! I'm so glad you used your experience to help prevent the suffering of others. Thank you for sharing.
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